Inner Struggle

My mins is full of twists and turns.

Like a labyrinth I become lost to its corridors, seamlessly wandering day after day searching for more of what I do not know, searching for what is important. 

I search far for the answers to the questions I don’t know, seeking a means to an end, turn after turn I find no resolution, the constant lust for knowledge keeps me going.

Looking in all the wrong places, that which is sought can only be found from looking into the depths of my soul.

The struggle, the eternal struggle, what is it? Conflict, conflict from those sides that oppose each other, good and bad, both are useful but cannot exist in the same body at the same time.


Frozen, unable to move, unable to reach out, unable to stop their world from collapsing around them… that is what it feels like to be powerless, that is what it feels like to watch events unfold that you can do nothing to change, That is what it feels like to be truly helpless.

In our lives we all know these moments will eventually take hold and all we can do is watch. As the dust settles and the air clears we are made painfully aware that there was nothing we could have done, sometimes that is our penance, we must sit by and watch those we love suffer.

No matter how hard we try not everyone can be saved.

To dwell on these events and let them cloud our thoughts will only serve to indulge our own self pity, and so, in allowing this to happen we not only begin to lose those around us, we begin to lose ourself. 

I have been in this position, all I can say is this. 

“It’s not your fault, you cannot change the events of the past. They are done. Grieve and let your scars heal, let go of the way things were and focus on the now or risk losing your way. I know it is easy to say such things, please, have some faith in my words and don’t stop living.”


Butterflies Wings

Trust is like a butterflies wings, Beautifuly strong yet fragile, Easily damaged and even easier to break. A butterfly cannot survive without its wings just as people without trust.

Some seem surprised at my ability to simply cut off those closest to me.

How can you do that?” Is the question asked by many, the answer is simple. Experience. We all have ethics, principles and beliefs yet when something conflicts with one of these it has the potential to escalate into something much worse… something that I do not wish people to see.

A deep underlying flaw in my character that stems from troubled times, times of violence.

In times past I was not above seeking out the cause of the problem and eliminating it by any means, be those verbal or physical. Anything that threatened that which I held dear would be reduced to ashes in the wake of my anger. For many years I struggled to understand and learn ways in which to calm the fires of my soul, and in time I achieved this and now it takes exceptional circumstances to break this control I have over myself, as strong as it is it’s not absolute.

When these circumstances are met I can feel myself slipping, my thoughts become fractured and incoherent, random some may say. When this begins to happen I retreat and find comfort in isolation and meditation, if my thoughts continue to revert or are still disrupted I find myself with only two options both of which will end in loss.

One is to surrender to the side I keep locked away from the world and confront the problem, the second is to remove all that is intrinsically linked with the tormenting ethical clash and walk away.

I have walked away from people who I once could not imagine life without only to see them in years to come with a perfect sense of hindsight. That is why I walk away, experience has taught me it’s the best way.

If one chooses to step into quicksand knowing what it is and the potential dangers leave them be, they will be ok for a time, slowly sinking until there is no way out, that is unless they choose differently or have the strength to pull themselves out.

We are all saddened by loss, sometimes though, it’s inevitable.

Sun & Sea

As the sun bounces of the sea and the wind brushes across the sand for a brief moment everything seems right in the world.

Adults relaxing with no prejudice so person or race,
Children playing, laughing and more,
If only all days were like this, the world would be a more peaceful place.

Do we ever really take the time just to take it all in,
To listen to the oceans waves,
So pure and free of sin.

This life we can have, all it takes is faith,
The promise of compassion is like a warming hug with its arms wrapped around us,
In this isotopic world we can all feel safe.

We have the power to forget and forgive,
Devine actions such as this are like shooting stars, blink once and they are gone,
If we can all make peace with our past we can take a special gift, the chance to live.

The Queen

In chess the queen protects the king,
No question of loyalty,
The queen holds the power,
The king is nothing but a pawn,without his queen.

Cornered and trapped with ease, the king cannot flee,
The queen protects the king,
This you must see.

The bishops,knights, rooks and pawns will be lost, without the queen to guide them all,
Respect your queen and keep her safe,
Because without the queen the king will fall,
Support her actions and the choices she makes,to lose you queen is a risk you must never take.

The Queen protects the king.