What I didn’t say

Mia, she was right in what she said.

“You don’t want to be happy, you push everyone away. You won’t let yourself love or be loved. You could have had it all, I’d of given it to you.”

What I never said was the words that probably needed to be spoken.

It’s true, I could have it all, I would be happy, I should allow myself to love them and in return they’d love me too. 

The only problem with having everything is that then you have everything to lose.

I’ve had it all once before and know what it feels like to lose it, it’s because of this I never said these words to anyone…

I don’t ever want to feel that loss again, it was too painful and to go through it again would break me in two. 

Maybe if she’d have heard that she’d have unserstood, maybe not. Either way it doesn’t matter now, the chance for that passed years ago.

Now that’s out of my mind it’s time to carry on moving forwards. 

An Angry Man

Was it my place to get involved? No.

Did it squash the situation quickly? Yes.

I do find myself losing faith in humans. A man who should have known better decided to threaten a boy who apparently drove in to the back of him, though considering his bike was still standing and he was unhurt I think this was an exaggeration.

Getting between the two I am met with animosity, a middle aged woman also came to reinforce my calm logic.

While his threats we empty I knew all he really wanted was to vent his frustration, so that’s what I let him do. Could I have verbally castrated him because he clearly hasn’t evolved much past that of a neanderthal, yes I could have but that would have solved nothing.

Shortly after he had vented his rage he subconsciously listed to me and moved  his bike out of the way of the amassing traffic. I told the young boy to be more careful, but I don’t think this is a lesson he will soon forget.

What did amuse me about the angry man was how quickly he backed down to someone who stood up to him. I can understand he was angry, rightfully so because he could have indeed been hurt and his pride (bike) damaged, but neither happened. He was merely basing his anger on logical fallacy and ‘what ifs’ so he was acting on emotion, not logic.

In my younger days I would happily have fought with him and beaten him down with words and possibly force if needed, but those days are behind me now. After all, what is the point of senseless violence when the best was to deal with a bully is to simply have him calm himself down with a few cleverly laced words and suggestions.

Funny how people work.

Words Words Words

Words…

Words, words…

Words, words, words!

Curse all words and the plague they being with them

They have the power to kill or inspire 

But it’s not the words themselves that cause the damage, oh no

Perception is key

Forgo caring about your stature and no words will ever cause you harm

Let go the ego 

Embrace the are of careless caring and you’ll be free. 

More Words

She asked me;

“Where have you gone? Where are you?”

The look of distant sorrow in her eyes as I hold her close.

The sad truth though, was I didn’t know myself. Life is a chain of days, one after another until eventually there are no more to come and only the memories of what was your life.

It was at that moment I realised I didn’t know where I was going, when my journey would end or what I even wanted from the days I had remaining…

To say we lose ourselves is something that can only be understood by those already lost, because no matter what you say it’s not really true; it’s merely the words that will keep those who ask satisfied.

In subtle anguish she softly says;

“You feel so far away.”

Speaking those words so quietly I strain to hear them, as if making them real would set them in stone.

Being next to someone yet at the same time you can still be a million miles apart, yet it can be explained because the words needed escape the conscious mind, perhaps one day I will learn the means necessary to articulate that which I feel deep in my heart.

One day, I will know what words to say.

Even now, here, as you read what I have written I still hold back that which lay buried deep because no good would come of it. This sanctuary of words I’ve created to bear my all is no longer safe…

By my own choice in times long gone I reached out to show people what was within, sadly I fear that piece of my inner self that was offered has been abused, tarnished and thrown to the wolves, for now I know not who reads these words I write;

Friend
Family
Foe?

I just do not know.

Bathed alone in silence, even the wind has nothing to say, no comfort to offer, nothing.

The view before me is the same as it always was, it’s the same as it will always be. I guess the same is true of what people see when the lay their eyes upon me. They see what I want them to see, the great pretender, a true master of deception that keeps everything that matters out of the view of prying eyes.

Burned by the past and now forever on guard.

It’s Only Words

How may words are written each day on blogs around the word?

Millions… perhaps Billions.

I saw a fellow write take up a challenge to write 400 words per day. I feel I may join him in the endeavour, after all, it’ only 400 words.

Here goes nothing…

Blood Sun:

The somber morrow breaks the veil of night. I watch as the blood sun rises in the distance, slowly, gracefully and with great purpose. I feel it’s warmth calling to me, like a distant voice on the wind, I yearn to know its secrets.

The blood sun has reached its peak, the heat it emanates is almost unbearable, yet still I cannot tear myself away from watching… waiting to learn the secrets.

The day draws to an end, the blood sun slowly descends behind the mountains in the distance and still I know none of its secrets… Perhaps I never will.

Watching:

I can see the farmers working in their fields, digging trenches and laying the seeds that will bring the next harvest. I do envy their simple lives and wonder what it must be like to have so little, to work tirelessly everyday just to survive.

I guess I will never know, my journey does not offer my the luxury or a life worth living. While they will reap their harvest, I must watch them until it is time for me to reap their souls and claim my bounty fee.

Until that time I though I can just sit and watch them play out their little lives.

Bound:

Hells Goddess Roar and Heavens Demon Sneer… Both one and the same, they keep the balance of this fragile place we call home. We are left to the mercy of their actions, good, bad or indifferent, we must seek forgiveness for the sins of our Fathers to appease the Goddess and bear the burdens of our Mothers to spare torment at the hands of the Demon… We are forever bound by the chains of Heaven and Hell.

Words:

What are words to you?

Are they your sword or your shield?

Do you use the gift you’re given to inspire good or to incite evil?

Words are all we have. They have the power to change the word, but no one will ever say what needs to be said, less they become a martyr to a lost cause of hopeless dreams. It’s always easier to say nothing and let the world assume that there is nothing to say.

Silence is the chosen word. It echoes in the halls, it fills the empty spaces, it is filled with raw emotion and forgotten dreams.

So will you use your voice or not?

What Lay Beneath.

Though I am not the strongest, fastest, smartest, most selfless or benevolent, I am honest to a fault and it causes me no end of troubles.

Honesty have never been the best policy. Who really wants the truth when it’s far easier to believe a convenient lie?

No one.

I was sat listening to a conversation today between two feminists. While both had fiery passion in their voices, the conversation was one of discrimination and prejudice, I fond the irony quite amusing.

It struck me that people want you to believe they’re as pure as freshly laid snow, but they forget that although the snow may portray a perfect image, it is what lies beneath that provides the substance and support of that image. Thus, the image can only be supported for so long before it melts away and we are able to see the truth.

Having an opinion is not wrong, nor is having a different opinion for that of your acquaintances, friends and even family. This is what gives us our individuality, our character, both good and bad. So why do so many try to hide what they are?

Fear is the only answer I can find, but perhaps I can’t see past the history of my life for anything else.

I believe we all live in fear to some form or lesser degree.

The fear of failure
The fear of achievement
The fear of persecution
The fear of loss
The fear of judgement
The fear of letting those in need down
The fear of not being what we pretend to be…

When the world around us is in flames and the black ash covers the ground for miles to see, this is when we will truly know what scares us. Will we fear the raging inferno and the life it will take from us, or do we fear surviving the blaze and having nothing to live for.

Death or Life.

Which will you fear?

To Save a Life

I saved a young woman’s life today.

She had flaming red hair with emerald green eyes. We caught each other’s gaze, it seemed like time stopped for the briefest of moments.

As reality and the once again began to fill my world I could hear something getting closer. 

As she stepped out on to the road with out hesitation I threw my arm around her waist and pulled her close, narrowly avoiding the car that came speeding past.

I can hear her heart beating through her chest. Her eyes wide with shock and her hands trembling.

She says not a word and pulls away from me as if I meant her harm. Then running across the road she has another near miss.

It left me with a puzzled thought, maybe she deliberately stepped out, perhaps she wanted the car to hit her…

I will never know. All I can be certain of is this; It was not my place to help, nor would it ever be. 

Words of Power

If you possess the power of words, you have a power close to that of a god.


Words can inspire and unite entire nations to accept a changing world, or they can be used to manipulate, condemn and persecute the innocent.


The words we speak are like guiding lights. Able to illuminate the path for those who are lost.


Words are a gift. 


Use them wisely.