Wandering

Walking without an end in sight, turning left or right without bias under the embrace of a cloudless sky and glaring sun.

Couldn’t do this working the 9-5.

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Such a waste

Why is it some of those who have the most wonderful gifts squander them?

Seeing all come ease to them only to have it forsaken.

They could be heroes, capable of such good in this life.

I must understand why.

Water & Flame

Back to back nights, everything was submerged in water
Breathing was easy
Movement was free
In this place finally nothing chased me
A world beneath the one above
My world
Illuminated by purple flame in the distance of the abyss
Is this the place I can find my peace?

Vivid+1

Each night my dreams seem to be more vivid.

When this happens it usually means my mind is putting something together and trying to warn me about some impending struggle as per their normal pattern.

Given how many million piece of information we take in through all our senses each day, is it any surprise that when our mind is not distract by life that it starts to work things out.

Ugh, struggle struggle struggle.

Life couldn’t be any other way because if it was it wouldn’t be half as meaningful.

 

Uniquely the Same

People are so desperate to be unique, different and individual that they end up being exactly the same as everyone else trying to do it.

Of the alternative individuals that have walked past the window this morning not one has really been any different form another, even though it’s evident they’re trying to be, because being a part of something bigger than yourself, a collective part of society is so wrong that you should be purged for it.

When will people learn that what has yet to happen has already happen once upon a time.

When indeed.

Pendulum

It was like looking in to a mirror linked to the past.

So many habits, actions and outcomes are repeating themselves, the only difference is this time I am watching it from the outside in. This time I am not the one going though it all, the sad part is I know every emotion that is being felt because I was in that place all that time ago. The feelings are the same but the situation is different for I am not playing games, I simply just want to be left alone to climb out of this hole I am in.

My admittance of this would only serve to deepen the wound.

While the situations are intrinsically different the feelings would undoubtably be the same. It’s hard to watch someone you want to protect go through the exact pain you suffered, but there is no emotion… There is no urge to run and hold her close… There is nothing. Only distance. Only damage. Only solitude.

There is only the selfish choices I have made.

Feeling so numb to everything is strange, the focus is on finding what was lost though I don’t know when I lost it.

The mental strain is just about bearable on my own, currently I am not strong enough to deal with anyone else draining me when I use every ounce to what I have left not to go insane. But I know there is no real explaining, unless you’ve been here you can’t hope to understand.

The pendulum has started to swing. It will continue to fly back and forth until it meets a halt in the middle ground, but until that point the days will go from from good to bad to worse.

7

Emotion…

We are governed by our emotions, or at least I would be wise enough to say I am, using my logic to justify my raw desire. That’s the way it’s always been, the way it will always be because we are creatures of emotion and to separate ourselves from this would mean we lose our humanity.

There are teachings that we should not fall victim to these such emotions and be benevolent in our ways, but by who’s decree?

A book… A book that is nothing more than words on paper written by someone with the same sins as you or I.

Pride

Wrath

Lust

Envy

Greed

Gluttony

Sloth

The 7 sins of mortals.

The 7 things that give us our unique personalities and characteristics.

The 7 reasons life is so beautiful.

To banish these from your soul would make you nothing more than an empty shell, embrace you sins and use them so that you may live and be free of the tyrannous rule bound in the pages.

Be free.