I used to have so much thought and emotion each time I wrote, but now there is nothing more than an empty void. It’s a strange feeling, like  being numb and yet still understanding who you should feel but can’t.

Still I sit and see all the faces, the smiles, the tears, the hungry eyes lusting over something that will never be theirs and there’s not a thing I can do about any of it. Not a single thing.

In recent times I have been seen plenty that usual y catches my attention but the mood is fleeting, more so than it has ever been before because not one person is able to hold my attention and that’s my fault. We all have patterns you see, patterns of people we associate with, people we can pick out, people we instantly know because they are a part of the pattern and because of that we learn nothing new.

We all have patterns, comfort, safety and as good as it is, it holds us back… it holds me back, yet I willingly choose to stay hoping that the effort I put in will one day finally get me to the place I desire, but that’s not my pattern, it never has been. Self sabotage for reasons unknown, that’s my pattern.  What’s yours?

Rinse & Repeat

Life for many is a sequential play acted out day by day. Meticulously precise and never changing, the whelk keeps turning but they never go anywhere. 

Anxiety, worry, stress and doubt fill their minds as the look towards the future. While all the time regret, apathy, guilt and depression eat away at their emotional being because they are stuck thinking about the past. Think about how it could have been different.

They go between the future and the past. Bouncing back and forwards. Never living in the moment, only living in the illusion of hope or retrospect.

They join the ongoing cycle of meaningless existence.

Stuck, on Rinse and Repeat.