Undulating moods, broken thoughts and no coherence, this is what I suffer on a daily basis and it is getting unbearable. To not know if you will wake up to the warm rays of the sun or the bitter chill of the frost is no way to live, it drains ones patiences but it is unrelenting in its pursuit of control.
The physical alignments and disfigurements I see are magnified in my eyes. Those closes to me try hard to convince me that nothing is wrong, but I know they can see them too, even if they won’t openly admit it I can see the unconscious looks and movements to touch what makes me flinch.
My mental instability has gotten to the point of physical discomfort. I can’t be touched in certain ways without feeling sick and recoiling as if I was about to be struck.
On top of the mounting pressures of maintaining a poker face my external commitments are mounting up, they demand I do things there way, even though the methods are outdated and redundant. Anxiety has truly set in for the coming tasks…
The spotlight is nothing I have every shied away from, but with all the uncontrollable emotions spinning through my head it will be like playing Russian Roulette. I will either hold it together as I always have to break through, or I will be swallowed by the madness.
The Unruly Child:
It screams could shatter glass is there was any left to shatter, yet the parent does nothing to prevent it’s terror spreading throughout the shop.
I do detest children such as this.
The worst part is that there’s more than one, 7 in fact, all to the same mother… I wonder if they re all from the same father. Probably not, but I could be wrong, but it’s doubtful.
As I listen in to the conversation she is boasting about how much she gets on benefits and how everything is paid for. The part that made my blood boil exceptionally was when she announced that she was being moved to a 6 bedroom house in what can only be described as an affluent area. This is something some of the hardest working people will never achieve in their lifetimes and yet she has been given this gift for nothing of any consequence, it’s all because she has lots of kids and is too morbidly obese to work.
It disgusts me.
The more we know, the more we realise we have to learn. On one of the faces of that dice is strength, the more strength we gain the easier it becomes to see how weak we really are.
Knowledge and strength are the true fountains of youth, if we have both of these and accept that their pursuit will be a life long endeavour we will stay forever young…
Well, At least in our hearts if not physically.