To smile each and every day is not really so hard.

Some folk will even smile back every now and again, others will get offended because it’s 2019 and that’s what people do.

I try to smile at anyone who makes eye contact and I have only had one nasty altercation, that being said the person in question soon backed down when I offered them a hug, calling out he immortal words “What, no! Fuck off you bender!!!”.

I found this quite amusing as I see nothing wrong with giving anyone a hug, regardless of sex, so it makes me wonder more about his insecurities than mine.

Bless the oddities of the world.

Smiles :)

I used to smile like you
I hope you never stop smiling
I used to smile like you

Let Down Again

I as sit quietly in this car with nothing but my thoughts it dawns on me. I believe I have once again been let down.

After much deliberation I decided to arrange an event for friends, colleagues and those people who I’ve never met.

It was nothing serious, but backed by popular demand.

I’m the only one here. 

It’s funny really. I will help where I can, as did my kinsman before me, but still I repeated their mistakes. I put too much faith in people, I give them too much credit that they will honour their words and once again I’ve played the role of the fool. 

Why is it I learn from all my lessons in life except this one?

I try to be humble, helpful and just. I just guess there is no place in the world for such things anymore, or at least not in the part of the world I reside.

We can but smile in the shadows of our own fading light. Smile and move on.

The girl with the beautiful smile.

There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who smiles.

This girl, so riddled with insecurity and doubt, she has the most beautiful smile. Listing to her story and how she feels leaves me feeling sad that someone so genuine and kind does no feel she is worth anything, not love or even friendship.

She has spent a great deal of time acting how she feels she should, trying to be what she thinks everyone wants, when all she needs do is be herself.

Trivial things make her laugh, a natural laugh, unforced and uncontrollable… I can’t help but smile when I see her begin to relax. All the time she laughs she is herself and it’s a wonderful thing to see, if only she could let go of her personal hang ups, she could be happy.

If she could see what I see, all her insecurities would vanish. I told her one day she would make someone very happy, the look in her eyes was filled with doubt because of bad memories, that said I always trust my gut feeling and I stay positive for her because it will happen, all she needs now is faith in herself.

We hold ourselves back because we do not feel we deserve what we want.

All it really take is for us to smile and show others who we really are, all it takes is that one simple action. If we accept ourselves and smile life will be good.

Clear Skies & Open Roads

“I was in love once, what happened? That person died along time ago”

In the wake of the unexpected apology from “Kain” close friends revel in this news that I have imparted onto them, those who sat and listened finally had a close to my story. Still though they had one last question to ask which was constant through all of my kin “would you take her back if she came to you?”

Their advice was also unanimous “don’t, you have pulled yourself out of Hell. Don’t fall back in.”

My answer remains the same to all who ask me that question “No” I could see behind their eyes they all had the same look, a look that thought I would do otherwise if that situation arose. Each of them knew of my feelings but only one asked why I would say no, and that person was “Freya”.

I loved her with all my heart and soul, I was willing to sacrifice anything for her even my own essence to see her safe. I might not have been able to offer wealth, security or a luxurious life style but what I would have given her was that one thing I never saw myself offering anyone else.

Me. All my trust, my love, my very soul. I would have loved her until the skies parted and the heavens called, never looking back because for me.she was enough and all I ever needed to do to know that in my heart was stare into her beautiful eyes and see the way she would look back at me… that was and always would have been enough.

Alas for her I was not enough and I never would have been because if I meant to her what she claimed, if she had the untold amount of love for me that she professed she would have been with me. It’s that simple.

Instead I was cast aside and stricken from her feelings and her life.

I was a rock that she was able to pick up and hold when it suited her and then thrown into the dark well of despair when she found a treasure that she wanted more. 

To offer your very essence to someone and have them cast it into darkness with no hesitation, remorse or regret filled my once pure heart with chaos and pain.

A chaos I fought to gain control of and a pain I had to purge from my life. 

If she was to have felt how she claimed I would not be sitting here alone with only the rays of the sun to restore the warmth of my heart. 

That is why my answer will always be no.

The woman I loved ceased to exist the person I see now I no longer recognise, it’s a sad story but it is my story.

“So ends this chapter in my life, full of so much promise only to end in pain, suffering and torment. It’s time to write the next chapter with a smile safe in the knowledge that for the right person I know I will be able to take that leap of faith and give myself to her.”