Early Bird

As the world sleeps I am awake, finding peace in solitude and comfort in the silence. The early hours of the night welcome me with open arms, like a mother reaching out for her child.

Finally, I feel like I belong once more.

Half of my day has already passed, my work is almost done, all I have left is to put pen to paper or rather fingers to keys and write these simple 400 words.

It’s getting easier.

Perched in a familiar coffee shop I am still largely unknown, the men and woman who reside here in the early hours of the morning are those of high business class, or at least that is what they would have you believe. However their desperate attempt to jumpstart their bodies as what I can only assume was night of broken sleep shows me differently.

Among the zombies dragging their heels there are a few who are awake and walking powerfully with purpose. Each one of these rare people notices me watching the flock, they give a polite nod as a gesture of their appreciation for a fellow person welcomed by the abyss.

There is a focus in their eyes, a determination in their spiritual presence and an unrelenting desire to achieve.

Presumptuous it might be for me to assume all of that from nothing more than a simple pacing glance, but I know enough to trust my gut and it never steers me wrong in such things. That is why I have decided to follow my instincts once more, to cast aside the voices of the others in my head and make each step because I choose to, not because I’m told.

I had become mired in the mud, but now I have pulled myself out.

Time alone, time to plan, time to create, time to grow. I never realised how much I enjoy being a shadow, a nameless face that smiles because he can, not because he should. It’s so easy to get caught up in everything that we start to get dragged down. I have a long way to go, there are still issues that need to be resolved but I will tackle them head on as I always have.

The colour grey still resonates around me, the cloud has not lifted but at least it has broken enough so that I can see the radiant blue sky that await on the other side.

This is another part of my journey, no doubt one of many more to come.

Will you join me through writing and verse?

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So Quiet.

It seems so quiet tonight.

There is no wind, no rain, no stars and no light.

All there is is the silent black abyss.

The scariest thing is not being alone in such a place.

It is being alone with only your thoughts that is truly frightening.

There is nothing worse than the memories you fear to relive.

We pray for a sound to break the silence, a flicker of light to crack the black veneer or the sound of falling rain to drown out those thoughts.

Silence is the beginning and the end…

Unrequited Silence

“Out of sight out of mind, such a fitting saying until you see that person again”

Just like that without any warning it hit me, I walked back into work with only thoughts of general importance and I catch a glimpse in my peripheral vision that draws me to double take and I see a face almost unrecognisable from what I once knew.

My chest tightens and my heart begins to race, a burning desire ignites with passion and curiosity to simply smile and say hello. I do nothing, I make no eye contact and keep walking.

Speaking to associates I find an almost uncontrolled urge to glance across the room, I do not. I can feel a presence watching me, I still struggle to keep my head turned and place the idea in my head “your probably just seeing it in your own head, carry on as normal and play not the fool any longer” moving to an old acquaintance for a friendly conversation I once again occupy my mind.

Choosing what could only have been the worst place to talk she walks past me get her belongings, she looks sad perhaps anxious and still I make no attempt at contact.

It’s sad to think that there are people in the world who once you would tell everything too, all you secrets, hopes and dreams without a second thought. 

All the time she was there today the only thing I desired was to look her in those eyes, smile and ask “how are you?”…..

It’s truly amazing how all it takes is something as simple as a crossing of paths to cause our hearts to ache once more, causing what had been buried to emerge from the depths again. 

This feeling would pass, each time it was drawn out of its chamber it required less and less time to pacify. 

“Sad really, even after we no longer want to feel for those who caused us so much pain we cannot help but still care, no matter if the feelings were one sided it mattered not. The people who care will remind us that those feelings from the other person were not real, the love was not real… Sad thing is it was real to me”