Teen Angst

Teenage angst

A fascinating thing

To fit in you must be an outcast

How funny it is to be on the outside looking in

Teenage angst

A fascinating thing


Social Inept Media

Considering we live in a world where everyone is connected 24/7, it amazes me that people freak out if you speak to them physically.

Anxiety is through the roof because of our addiction to this technological terror that we’ve created. It’s almost like people have forgotten how to interact and be around other people.

So many are too comfortable behind the protection of their screens because if something they don’t like is present they can simple block it and pretend it’s not there, that’s not healthy. I’m all for ignoring people being ass-hats however to ignore everything that you disagree with or that ‘offends’ you is just going to make you soft and weak.

I’ve seen people forget sometimes that they’re not behind a screen when they’ve said certain things and gotten a smack in the chops for their troubles. The look of shock on their face always amuses me because of the literal hit of reality. Now it’s true no one should have to be subjected to violence, however if they instigate it, then more fool them.

Personally I’d much rather sit and speak with someone, even if that someone was a person I had conflict with because you can see the measure of a person when you’re face to face, where as behind a screen, you can’t tell shit.

Our lack of people skills is effecting everything; work, play, love, life….

Social media is making us socially inept.

What a world to live in.


Not all is even.

She loves me….

She really really loves me and yet I can’t seem to feel anything on that level for her and it tears me apart because she doesn’t deserve anything less. Not all is even and it never will be and that breaks me in two.

I know how much that will hurt and yet I can’t force myself to feel anything past what I do. While there is no question of love, I am not ‘In love’ and there is a big difference between the two.

I’ve seen countless people who love each other live out their lives with something always being missing. They will often now refer to the couple of old who stuck it out because back in ‘their day’ they fixed what was broken rather than throwing it out. While this is true there was also as much if not more infidelity between these old couples because even though they got the emotional support and comfort of the home life they were missing that quintessential part of any relationship that makes the difference, passion.

Years have gone by and I’ve watched so many fires burn out because they only last so long. No this isn’t always the case as some have flames as bright as the day they met and it’s those people I envy the most because that’s how it should be, well, to me that’s how it should be. Yes they will have ups and downs but the fire, the passion will always be there and I don’t see the point in settling for anything less than that because in my heart I know I wouldn’t be faithful because something would always be missing. Harsh but true and even if people say they would never do such things I can tell you from bitter experience that no matter how much you claim to love someone the moment you find the difference between loving someone and being ‘in love’ with someone, nothing else comes close.

Am I Cruel? Probably

Am I Heartless? Possibly

Am I Honest? Every time.

Subtleties & Nuances

It’s not often the girl behind the counter wears make up, even if it is only subtle foundation that is offset by cherry lips and smoky eyes. The funny thing is the apple of her eye hasn’t even noticed the minor effort she has made.

As I watch her eyes subtly glance over hoping to catch his it make me smile. The young dance of a woman trying desperately to catch any attention she can, while as always, her counterpart is completely oblivious to it all.

Is it any wonder people stay alone when they are either obvious to the obvious body language or too scared to simply say the words “I like you.”. The human condition is a simple one, most people want to find another person to do human things with, perhaps they may even love them in time too.

Such a shame that everyone always misses the subtitles and nuances.

Always a Fool

I am quite thehypocrite really.

Even now, after everything that’s happened I still can’t bring myself to not love her. To think, I still feel as strongly now as I did back then, what a pitiful creature I am.

It’s hard to admit that you went through Hell and back for someone who did nothing but lie to you, yet given the same choice I would do it all again for her.

Woman think that men don’t suffer emotional trauma, but this simply isn’t true. They suffer just as much as the next person, they just hide it well.

While it seems true my feelings were unique and I fell for the clever ruse they were still real to me. They are still real now and that is what holds me back, truth be told they will always hold me back because to me I had found that one person who I could truly say I loved more than myself and I would have given my life to protect her. Sadly that was just the dream of a fool caught in the spiders web, it’s doubtful any of it was real for her. I was nothing more than a plaything that could be disposed of when not needed.

Yet being the fool I walked straight in to it.

Oh well. Time to bury it all once more an continue with life. 

A Word of Caution

I found myself giving words of warning to someone who is playing a game I’m all to familiar with. While the choice is theirs alone I know from experience that there are never any winners in the end.

The game is a lot like chess. Some sacrifices are welcome, others are necessary but there will come a time where you eventually lose something precious and that is when you realise the mistake you’ve made.

Life is a game, however in the end the only real winner is time because no one has yet bested it. Therefore why waste the limited moves you have one the games that do nothing but cost you your future because once you lose time you can win it back.

2 Years Already

It’s been two years now…

Two years ago I started this blog as a place where I could come and leave my memories, thoughts, feelings and stories.

Over that time it has changed a lot. There has been a great deal of emotion, most of it falling on the side of melancholy, but despite that people still seem to read what I write.


There could be any number of reasons I guess. Perhaps it’s out of pity, maybe even curiosity to watch a mind and life slowly fall apart but regardless of what he reasons actually are, I want to say thank you for reading the simple ramblings of a fool.

I know I am not the most gifted writer, nor am I anything that even comes close to a diamond in the rough but at least I can say I always write from the heart, even if mine is damaged at least what I write is what I feel.

Today has been an interesting day, but the second I opened my eyes I just felt sad for no real reason. If I’m honest I still don’t know why I feel sad, but I could quite happily close my eyes and leave it at that today.

I was asked an interesting question by someone who adores me earlier – “Have you been in contact with…” – My answer was no, but I did find a subtle joy in the very real irony that shortly after the mention of her name and being asked that question I saw a man from my past who now hates me with all his soul, along with the obligatory ‘Happy Anniversary’ pop up in my blog notifications as a reminder of where I was on this day all those years ago. It seems there is such a thing as sequential coincidence.

My friend the fates are cruel. They pull the strings and move the pieces in the game that makes up our lives, but in the end I’m sure it will all make sense.

Two years huh…. That’s a long time to ignore something that is with you everyday.