An Eye For An Eye.

The soft angelic voice of hope cries.

“You’re writing is so depressing lately.”

Words spoken with nothing but truth that cannot be denied. She was right, my writing has become very lost, steeped in the darkness that clouds me every thought and there is little I can do to pull myself out of this black hole because it’s me… The problem has always been within me and my inability to accept the truth.

“You were becoming very emotional this morning.”

Spoke the strong and steady pillar of experience and logic. His concern can be seen through his eyes, but there is nothing he can do except watch and wait until the resolution of it all.

It’s easy for me to see the frustration in both their faces as they want so desperately to help me, but my internal reaction is to distance myself and be alone, not to wallow in self pity but to control my inner demons and crush them as they try to take over. So far I have done this, but it’s getting harder, the cracks are becoming more evident the longer I am forced to wait. Knowledge is a dangerous thing, especially when you know the only logical solution.

I guess the only way to help people understand is to explain to them, though it will be hard to accept because it’s not everyday you meet one of ‘those’ people who are the logical fallacy, the what if, the exception to the rule that is ahead of the curve, but it’s what I am and people can accept it or not. Admittedly I never actually thought I would ever be this person, but life has a funny way to playing out and as many say “there must be a reason.” and there is… I did this to myself.

The last few years took a heavy toll indeed and although I did not break and held on to what remained of my sanity my body broke under the immense strain of it all. Now I know what the elders mean when they say “It isn’t worth it.” because it will always cost you something in the end.

A lesson with pain is meaningless, but once you recover from that pain and heal you can take on more etna you could before, you’re stronger than you were, you’ve gained so much from that lesson but remember there is always a price too. You must always pay for your lessons one way or another. It’s the law of equivalent exchange, to create something you must lose something of equal value.

I gained unimaginable strength but it cost me my pride.

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Colours

Watching the sun slowly disappearing in to the distance creates the most peaceful ambiance. The colours in the sky are soft yet their clarity is magnificent, they flow gracefully in to one another, blended yet distinguishable. It’s truly a wonderful sight to behold.

Today is one of liberation for many, equality is spreading, slowly but surely.

I personally miss most of what is going on in the world, rarely watching the news because of its typical depressing nature, but today it was different. People around the world were united in celebration and will be long in to the early hours of tomorrow, perhaps this will be the topic of conversation for some time to come, either way it keeps people happy.

Time passes by and I find myself wondering less about what we are told by the giant that is the media and more about what we aren’t. The global news room has the power to unite or divide entire nations with something a simple as a few words, this time it seems they’ve opted for peace, that is until whatever we are being distracted form is resolved.

I wish to take nothing away from the liberated of today, but I can’t help but wonder what else is going on in the world, or what else is being set in motion to derail the common sense of the unanimous population. It’s funny, we are the common dominator of the world, equality should be held by everyone equally but it isn’t. Only those with power deem who is equal and indeed when too. We, the lower classed people of the world are the ones with the most influence but none seem to see it.

The world is a corrupt place. People should feel the need to be something they’re not because of the prejudice and ignorance that still largely remains, but that is not likely to happen.

Today is a good day, I wish everyday were more like it. No fighting, no riots, no victims, no problems…

The sun has almost set completely, the children are still dancing in the street, lit by the light that remains, it’s good to see. There are very days like this one, there are few days where people feel safe enough to let it all go and have fun anymore, I wonder if it was like this before humans gained sufficient consciousness to establish the hierarchy of order?

I would like to think that one day everyday will be just as this one, peaceful and without worry.

The Grip of Envy

I find myself in the hands of arguably the deadliest sin… Envy.

Each day I become more jealous of what I am forced to bear witness too; it infuriates me!

While I believe that people deserve what they get for the most part, those lucky few seem to have everything land in their lap and parade their it about like the world owes them a debt of gratitude really anger me.

Those faceless many who copy, steal and replicate what isn’t theirs and achieve praise are no worth of the rewards life gives them.

They are IMITATIONS, carbon copies of the original, but they are accepted not scorned, loved not hated, welcomed not abandoned… why makes them any different?

Do they really deserve it?

Maybe… Maybe Not, but either way it doesn’t matter because they have it.

After much talk of the ‘Paying Their Dues’ it doesn’t take long to track back and find out all of what is claimed is false, yet people still flock to their cause.

The world truly is full of idiots.

I make no apologises for being jaded in the green allure. I wish the world was fair, I wish I could put right what I see is wrong but I can’t.

Then again, just because I feel it is wrong it doesn’t mean it actually is.

When did I become that guy?

When did it all go so wrong…

Honour & Pride

Those who live by the sword die by the sword, at least that’s how the tale goes.

What I have seen though is those who live by the sword, those who have honour and pride often die by poison.

Honour and pride used to be held in high regard, but now they’re nothing more than an inconvenience. An opportunity to expose a weakness.

These two traits are the downfall of the strong.

I wonder how long until I eventually fall

Silly Girl

I find this life truly amusing.

What should matter doesn’t, what shouldn’t matter does and everyone who is meant to be your friend actually turns out to be just like the rest.

Perhaps I am just bitter, or maybe I am just one of few who accept the world for what it is… Remorseless.

By her own admission she was pleased things stayed civil between us, but now she isn’t getting her own way she has become that petty insolent child that so many told me she was. It is a sad thought because I always defended her as I felt perhaps she was the victim, perhaps people really did need to give her a break. But apparently that is not the case.

I feel so disappointed in people.

Those who know me should understand that the more I am forced in a certain direction that is not of my choosing the more resilient I become.

I can see falling rubble hurtling towards me, soon to smash the walls of my comfort and shake the foundations of my peace, but, I have nothing to loose because I learnt a long time ago that if something material is lost it can be regained.

Pride is my deadliest sin. It keeps me safe but at the same time it also keeps me alone.