The sun is out, the skies are clear and the temperature is rising, it’s such a beautiful day. It’s just a shame that when I woke up this morning for me it was nothing more than another unpredictably low day.
My moods undulate on a constant basis, it’s becoming quite draining. Maybe I feel this way today because I have nothing to distract my mind from the inevitable wandering, thus I can overthink and sink to new lows. I hate this feeling.
Looking around I see lots of faces meandering along and I can’t help but think to myself ‘what is the point?’ why struggle against the tide, or at least pretend too. I can see their auras, each one of them a uniform yellow, they are all happy but for what reason?
Oh how I envy them so.
I am in a very sad and destructive mood today. I think it best I simply start walking and see where my feet take me.
Why do I align with the solitude is a question harbouring in the mind of my inner circle, the answer is simple… It’s what I want. It’s my choice.
This choice, it will be met with anger because not everyone understands why a person would want to go it alone but eventually that will subside, eventually they will understand. My moods have become erratic, so erratic that I want to be alone because I will have no need to contain, restrain or control my emotions. I will be able to let the seamless transition happen without having to worry about who will be effected apart from myself.
My default has always been to retreat away from the crowds of people. There is very little I care about and I don’t want it caught in the black hole that is my thoughts, it’s not fair to lean on people when they don’t deserve the brunt of my moods. While it is true that they would be there for me, I can’t bring myself to rely on anyone else.
History has taught me one lesson repeatedly; Being alone is not a bad thing.
Burning the bridges that ascend the clouds to the peaks of friendship and love is not my intention but it will be taken in that regard, luckily I am a good climber. I will do what I need to do to get myself through this first, then I shall begin the climb.