Tap Tap

Time again to hear that gentle tapping at my bolted door
Tap tap tap, unrelenting until my head is sore
Endlessly pursued by this capricious whore
Take much already they have yet still the want more
A pound of flesh, a cup of sanity and pinch of soul from my very core
I wish to let the madness envelope me to charge head first in to this life time war

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Mad Mad Mad

This world  enough to drive any sane person mad.

To see what some are allowed to get away with, how certain powers can play their cards in any order they like, it’s just not right, then again, what is right anymore.

I heard on the wind of two countries armed with nuclear capabilities are gearing up for war and what ran through my head was this; I hope we get caught in the crossfire first.

Truly I struggle to deal with the amount of bullshit surrounding me these days, so many likes, so much inconsistency and when you question it you’re the villain.

If god was real I’d pray for the rapture, for humanity to be reset and the garden of eden to flourish once again because we’ve become corrupt.

I’ve tried to take my own life twice now and intervention by others has ‘saved’ me both times, each day I grow more and more tired of everything.

I need to go, I have to keep moving, the longer I sit and think, sit and write the worse it gets.

I write to connivence my self to stay, to convince myself to let it all go, to try and regain sanity, whatever that is.

 

Dancing Mad

Once again life has gotten more complicated.

Too often this happens, we ignore what is there because we know the ramifications of following that potential course. We sit back and watch as life unfolds before our eyes, all the time thinking; could that be me?

I hear of people talking about their choices in life, or I see overly grandiose statuses on social media and think, why write what you don’t understand?

I am by no means perfect, I value honesty above all else, yet I struggle to say those crushing words to people that I know will leave them as shattered as I once was. I meet some questions with silence while I search desperately to find the words to consul and convey how I feel. I can hurt people for the right reasons, what I can’t do is watch someone be hurt because of me again, I can’t handle the guilt anymore.

These situations are of my own creation. I allow people to get close; too close sometimes. As a result they see me as a friend, over time their feelings develop and they seem me as more because the closer they get the more vulnerable I become, and so the cycle repeats- I begin to pull away.

Pulling away if the only way I have ever dealt with the potential of getting hurt once more.

Do we ever really know what we want? Is it to feel needed, wanted, respected or even loved? Or are we all just afraid of being alone…

The company of others is always a welcome thing, it makes us feel like we belong and when something upsets our world we freeze, the we try to run, eventually we face the choice to brave the storm or just let go, I have always let go. Being prepared to walk away even if we don’t want to can be considered weak, it’s not, it’s the point where we just don’t want the same cycle to keep repeating.

The young dismiss the lessons of the old because of ignorance, and the old belittle the young because of naivety, the young forget the old have been there and the old forget that once upon a time they were young too. People will repeat their mistakes because it’s all they know.

To repeat the same thing time and again expecting a different outcome is the very definition of insanity.

How long will I repeat the same mistake before I finally have the courage to do something different?