Futility.

Everything is different, and yet the outcome will always be the same. The course of events that played out will once again reemerge, the fates are the same. They always will be.

The easy option is tempting, so tempting to the point of causing us physical pain because that of which we desire can be ours, even if only for a short while.

The weak teeter on the edge, ready to let go and fall into the same self repeating history. The simple thought of “it might be different” seems to be enough to make bad decisions a thousand time over.

Understanding and acceptance.

These words are meant to make a corse of action justified, all because we should understand. When used is such a way they’re nothing more than words used by people who want you to agree with their actions, even if they themselves know they’re wrong.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt over time it’s this, people will always do what they want. No matter the cost.

Open Roads

“Letting people in is the hardest choice you have to make”

To know someone is to accept them, to allow people this knowledge you must first know and accept yourself. 

“Amelia” and I had begun talking more frequently again, having someone who you can almost let in immediately is a rare gift that many never experience, it seemed so normal and natural talking to her once again yet it seemed once more the timing was inconvenient.

Her fear was once again I was not ready. It would be easy to have a relationship with her because of how easy everything feels with her, she is the first person who seems to keep a constant smile on my face, so why was I not hearing anything from my gut? 

After the events of the past when we began spending more time together I let her in extremely fast, as a result of this I pulled back. I missed my chance and yet, she was still here.

“There is never enough time”

History Repeats Itself

“The calamities once again reappear in that continuous place”

What I saw tonight sickened me, the sheer amount of anxiety and fear resonating from one person was overwhelming… something was not right.

Various people entered my place of was this evening three in particular, “Liouse, Jay & April” as the walked in at different times something did not feel right, my gut was telling me something bad was about to happen.

“Jay” takes “April” to one of the toilets at my workplace, strange I thought trying to ignore this fact and continue as normal. I begin working with “Mia” all the time in the back of my mind I can hear a clock ticking, I begin to worry.

“Mia” cannot understand why I have a pensive look and begins to take an angry tone with me, “why do you care? It’s not your place too” I snap at her which she did not deserve “I pulled you out of the Shit didn’t I!” Which was followed by a personal jab at her recent situation.

I could feel myself getting more and more worried the longer I didn’t see sight of them. 

A couple of lads start knocking on the door of the room they are in after it has been locked for a considerable amount of time, what I saw next made my heart stop. “Jay” yanks the door open with a look of blind anger in his eyes, my suspicions had been confirmed, he was standing in front of the door so “April” could not leave.

Seeing this I made my choice instantly, I still had “Kains” contact details from his wife, so I decided to message him. Perhaps he could pull her out of whatever she had gotten herself into.

“Jay” and one of the bantering lads soon hit nerves with each other and things escalate at an alarming rate. They go outside and “Jay” begins goading the other lad into a fight.

Suddenly fists are flying myself on one other pull the apart, once resolved “Jay” goes in search of “April” with a possessed look in his eye. I was not made aware of what happened until after they left as I sorted the other lads out.

“Mia” spoke with me, what she told me was chilling from how he grabbed her hand to drag her away to forcing her to kiss him and even telling her everything ok and he is making a fuss over nothing.

All of that was trivial to this one sentence “Mia” uttered..

“He punishes her when she does wrong” There was more from “Mia” but those was the one that turned my stomach. 

After sending “Kain” a message I decide to phone him and tell him everything, true it was none of my concern but enough was enough this had to end, it was now upto him.

This was my final gift to her, once again I threw caution to the wind and made my choice any consequences that followed I would accept willingly. Even after all the lies, deceit and suffering she had caused me even she did not deserve this Hell of her own creation. Just because I was hurt does not mean I should leave her to suffer, as fitting a penance as that might be.

“Pain, suffering and bad memories fade but the one thing that is never forgotten is how someone treated you”

 

No Man Needs Nothing

“In the desert there is nothing, no man needs nothing”

The concern of one friend is appreciated yet unnecessary, her concern showed true emotion filled with anger, compassion and fear along with apathy due to the fact of truth’s I had disclosed to her about the seemingly endless games, whispers and torments. My choice was to tackle these along for the simple reason of explaining would be to taxing.

Her conclusion was a simple one “Admit you’re still in love with her” a narrow view of a far broader picture filled with holes, ripped seams and broken boarders.

Love is a strange entity were big things have small beginnings and if seen for what they are can develop into something incredible, not the case for my story.

“It would be easy to open the door allowing the very essence that drives me to consume those around me, drawing them in and allowing them to know my inner most thoughts all my fears, hope and dreams but I was not ready to open that door again for anyone despite being more open now than ever before. I can feel myself hardening; the lingering pain of the events of recent times was residing regardless because of my acceptance of the choices that had been made. ”