An Eye For An Eye.

The soft angelic voice of hope cries.

“You’re writing is so depressing lately.”

Words spoken with nothing but truth that cannot be denied. She was right, my writing has become very lost, steeped in the darkness that clouds me every thought and there is little I can do to pull myself out of this black hole because it’s me… The problem has always been within me and my inability to accept the truth.

“You were becoming very emotional this morning.”

Spoke the strong and steady pillar of experience and logic. His concern can be seen through his eyes, but there is nothing he can do except watch and wait until the resolution of it all.

It’s easy for me to see the frustration in both their faces as they want so desperately to help me, but my internal reaction is to distance myself and be alone, not to wallow in self pity but to control my inner demons and crush them as they try to take over. So far I have done this, but it’s getting harder, the cracks are becoming more evident the longer I am forced to wait. Knowledge is a dangerous thing, especially when you know the only logical solution.

I guess the only way to help people understand is to explain to them, though it will be hard to accept because it’s not everyday you meet one of ‘those’ people who are the logical fallacy, the what if, the exception to the rule that is ahead of the curve, but it’s what I am and people can accept it or not. Admittedly I never actually thought I would ever be this person, but life has a funny way to playing out and as many say “there must be a reason.” and there is… I did this to myself.

The last few years took a heavy toll indeed and although I did not break and held on to what remained of my sanity my body broke under the immense strain of it all. Now I know what the elders mean when they say “It isn’t worth it.” because it will always cost you something in the end.

A lesson with pain is meaningless, but once you recover from that pain and heal you can take on more etna you could before, you’re stronger than you were, you’ve gained so much from that lesson but remember there is always a price too. You must always pay for your lessons one way or another. It’s the law of equivalent exchange, to create something you must lose something of equal value.

I gained unimaginable strength but it cost me my pride.

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Stepping Back

A statement I seem to hear frequently from people has made me wander what causes peoples light to fade.

“I’ve lost my sparkle.”

I have heard this from more than one person recently, it’s way they say with a hint of despair, a shadow of hope and a curious permission that intrigues me. So many a happily subjugated and yet over time they then seek what they openly gave away.

Lend Me Your Energy

On top a mountain he stands,

The cold wind in his face,

The ice on his hands,

The feeling of freedom began to race,

With all the wold beneath his feet,

“Lend me your energy” he cries!

His roar echos far and wide to where the sands and oceans meet,

The Words are heard,

The people,

The animals,

The world,

No Corner unreached his prayer was heard,

He United the world with only four words.

 

Smiling Again

“It’s time to take a chance.”

The once resounding pain that had lingered for so long had gone, as if it had never been there. I found myself once again smiling because someone had given me a reason too. 

Everything that had occurred over the past few days seemed so natural, I was almost hesitant because when something this good happens so easily normally there is something lurking just around the corner waiting to shroud things once again in darkness and misery. This time though, it would be different!

Knowing what I know now, there was not a chance I was going to let an opportunity to be truly happy pass me by. True I would have to take the risk of letting someone in and potentially end up hurt once more, but what is life without risk and besides I get the feeling she is worth it.

After sitting with her tonight and talking about anything and everything I found myself getting lost in her eyes, I had never noticed them look quite as beautiful as they did tonight. 

That look she had tonight, however, is one I hope I can keep there.

“Take the risk I said to myself , what have you got to lose? Why ignore someone who makes me smile and makes me happy? I think now it’s time to let someone in”

Silent Sigh

Those who smile hide the most,

They look on never being held by a lie,

Keeping the secrets so safe and close,

If you listen as the smile you can hear a silent sigh. 

So is the tale of a girl and a boy,

They do not look nor do they smile,

Only their smiles can tell the story,

If you listen to the sighs you can hear her story of guile,

If you listen to his however you hear of glory.

 

Seeking Answers

“We try too hard, striving for more, trying to force the outcome we feel we deserve. When all we need to do is nothing.”

“Malaki” is trying to claw back that which he has lost, seeing it happen each day is hard to watch, he becomes less and less himself each day. Speaking to him my words fell on deaf ears, like a ravenous dog clutching the smallest part of a bone he will not let go.

The maze he has entered is unforgiving, it will only serve to warp his reality causing him too see only what he wants, it will exacerbate his fears until he is lost, endlessly wandering through his self created prison.

The hardest thing to do is often the right thing, what is the right thing to do? 

Nothing. You do nothing.

To let go and continue with your own life, accept that which has happened because you cannot change it, more often than not it’s already too late. Learn from the mistakes you made, make your apologies, accept your mistakes along with theirs and let sleeping dogs lie. 

“Is it easy? No. Is it right? Yes. Do not think of yourself think of them, let them go and do nothing to stop them. In the end it’s the best solution.”