The girl with the beautiful smile.

There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who smiles.

This girl, so riddled with insecurity and doubt, she has the most beautiful smile. Listing to her story and how she feels leaves me feeling sad that someone so genuine and kind does no feel she is worth anything, not love or even friendship.

She has spent a great deal of time acting how she feels she should, trying to be what she thinks everyone wants, when all she needs do is be herself.

Trivial things make her laugh, a natural laugh, unforced and uncontrollable… I can’t help but smile when I see her begin to relax. All the time she laughs she is herself and it’s a wonderful thing to see, if only she could let go of her personal hang ups, she could be happy.

If she could see what I see, all her insecurities would vanish. I told her one day she would make someone very happy, the look in her eyes was filled with doubt because of bad memories, that said I always trust my gut feeling and I stay positive for her because it will happen, all she needs now is faith in herself.

We hold ourselves back because we do not feel we deserve what we want.

All it really take is for us to smile and show others who we really are, all it takes is that one simple action. If we accept ourselves and smile life will be good.

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The last words of memory

“I’m not in love with you!”

If you were to ask me why these words suddenly appeared in my head I could not tell you, the difference is there was no emotion attached to them when they appeared… strange I thought but a good thing.

“Until you stop thinking and start doing you will always be alone” very wise words from someone in my distant past that I had grown apart from.

Maybe all my thoughts and writings  were not only easing my troubled mind but a subconscious way of keeping her memory alive… as much as I dislike admitting when people really knew me “Tina” did. Never afraid to tell it how it was, more fool me for letting my own selfish desires corrupt friendships like hers, if I look back I can see good people that I have separated from, all because I won’t let people in, I guess she was right.

I will be alone until I stop fighting everything on my own.

My situation was by no means unique, there are countless people the world over in the same place, Trusting people is the easiest and yet the hardest thing to do. 

Little by little we come to terms with that which haunts us, looking across the park with the sun shining down on me I try to look forward and smile, then it dawned on me… 

“I guess the best way to live life, is to live like tomorrow is your last day on this earth. Not worrying about the past or the future, living in the moment and enjoying each day because life is a gift bestowed upon us, but not one we can keep forever.”