I walked past three homeless men today. They were talking about their time in the army, this caused me to stop and sit on a bench while putting my music on silent so I could listen in.
The more I listened, the more I watched people go by and utter profanities about them.
Now I have no idea if they really were ex service men of not, but I decided to walk in to Tesco making slight eye contact and then walking past them, waiting to hear what they would say because they thought I could hear them.
“Have a good day.” And a smile was what I got from them. Overcome with emotion, I made a choice, I had no cash so unused my card to buy them lunch.
I don’t know I just did. I went back outside with sandwiches and each one of them looked at me with a truly thankful look.
Something as small as a sandwich seemed to mean a great deal to them. I don’t know the real reasons why they were on the street, but I spent £3 on 3 sandwiches, it’s not a lot in the grand scheme of things. I could have wasted £3 on something meaningless and crap just as easily, why not waste it on people who seem to need it?
I would like to think if I was in their position they would have done the same.
We all want money, but what is the value of money if you can use it to make people smile?
Suddenly it became clear. Suddenly I understood what drives people to that place. Suddenly I understood why…
It is not weakness, nor is it cowardice, desperation or even a cry for help; it is and always will be the point that people reach where they have had enough. We grow tired of the mundane, the ever repeating cycle of stupidity.
Trapped we are, nay, ensnared in this wheel of perpetual torment. We hear the same cries day after day only in different voices.
We grow tired of it all.
I have seen terrible things, known terrible people, and done terrible things. Yet, I’m still here; why? For the briefest of moments as I lay in the dead of the night unforgivable thoughts crossed my mind, sinful thoughts. I did not realise, I have also grown tired.
What was mere seconds seemed to last an eternity and it showed me a place I never knew, it showed me tears I had never seen, cries I had never heard; it showed me what drives a person to end it all.
The allure of everlasting silence, it is beautiful.
Looking back, looking forwards, neither matter; all that matters is what we do in the moment. True, the moment can be governed by both the past and the future, if we let it.
Again another contradiction.
There are people who will struggle, fight and struggle some more all because they feel it is their duty too. Never stopping to think about themselves, always pressing forwards and taking on the tasks others will not, governed by their pride and resilience they press on.
We all know these people, those who are strong and just in their actions. We all know these people, what we don’t know is on the inside they are screaming at the top of their lunges to be heard. Like a sound shrouded in a cloud of smoke their silent cries cannot be seen so they are ignored.
Asking for help is not something that comes easily to these people, the best thing to do is just let them know you’re there for them, you will support them, you will listen and wait for them and above all else let them know you care about them.
No one wants to be alone, it is very rarely a choice willingly made. Sadly it is often the outcome of decisions that have to be made at times, remember though, if you are one of these people there are people in your life who will stand by you no matter what, those are the people you can call on when times are hard.
Never fear standing alone, and never fear asking for help when the odds are stacked against you.