A few wise words from a friend found their way to my door. He is a wise man and a far more intelligent soul than myself but while they had the best of intentions they only served to cement my view and push me further in the opposite direction to which they intended me to go.
She had flaming red hair
Sapphire blue eyes
And a smile that told of troubled times.
My curiosity was peaked this morning and I decided to look on the admin board (something I never do). I have written a post almost every day for close to two years. It surprised me that I had so much to say and keep writing. My posts have varied in length, style and meaning.
Some posts have received a wealth of comments and feedback which is greatly appreciated, it shows that there we are not alone and that others too are in a similar place.
This blog has been the cause of much controversy, it has even caused some ‘friends’ to reveal how they really feel. Often I receive a message through social media telling me how I don’t understand and that I am wrong, but I guess that’s simply because they had a rare glimpse of how someone else actually saw them for once instead of the reflection they see everyday.
I do wonder how people see me, how they perceive my written words and what their judgement would be.
To think that I am half way through my life, while still considered young I certainly do not feel that way. Perhaps it’s been the self imposed dilemmas I have been exposed to, or the years of watching someone struggle through existence with only one purpose and hold on to that last flicker of a flame until it is no longer needed.
What ever the reason I feel much older than i actually am.
Yesterday I was reading though some posts and one caught my eye. A friend had stated the he was on to get back to what he was truly passionate for ‘Writing and Helping People’ my hilarious comment of ‘Trying to reclaim your soul after selling it will be difficult mate.’ was ignored and later removed. I guess I struck a nerve.
I find it funny how people can say what others want to hear without a shred of remorse, I find it hypocritical. Very few people ever want to help anyone when there is no reward or benefit to themselves these days. However, there are those people who will always help and say they want nothing in return, yet they often bitch and moan that no one appreciates what they do for them. It would seem they do want something and it is called recognition, more often than not this is the attitude most females take because they want to have one up on someone or score a point.
There is nothing wrong with wanting something in return, after all, it’s human nature to be greedy and hoard.
Self awareness is not always present in people, it’s one of those skills that takes time to learn and often comes with the wisdom of maturity, but when we are self aware what we see isn’t always what we want to believe.
I am sure that from my writings that one of my largest character traits if the fact that I like to be in control, not only of my own life but also of everything around me. I have a nasty trait that takes great offence when people won’t do what I want, though the reasons I have are not selfish, they are for the benefit of said person.
Controlling others with good intentions might seem like a large contradiction in itself, but it’s the only way I can explain who I feel. For the most part I see where people will go wrong and want so desperately for them to avoid the impending disaster, but I can’t always avert people from their choices. Using influence, persuasion and empathy to my advantage in an attempt to get my desired outcome could be called manipulative, but I would accept that label if it meant I could help someone.
Having a firm grasp on the helm is a safety barrier, it not only allows me to help but also keep myself as safe as possible while taking what I consider a risk. It can be forgotten that to have influence on people and their thoughts you have to allow them in to your own mind, luckily for me very few ever realise the impact they could have on me, nor the intellect to take action.
This is the extent of my self awareness so far, there is more to learn, more to reveal and accept because being able to accept every part of your soul can be a frightening thing indeed. To be honest and to not lie to ones self, these mental realisations take a great deal of strength and the ability to relinquish the ego, the ego that fights to protect our self professed image that we would have people believe is the truth.
To my friends, I will surround you and protect with everything I have to give and do so until I can no longer move, but to those who do not sit on this side of the wall, you should heed my words:
I slither across the floor
My tongue forks and searches for my prey
With skin and blood cold to the touch
Eyes darker than night
Be aware or I will strike
For I am a snake.
The time is not long after dawn, I don’t seen another soul on my journey but as fate would have it I’m not the only one who is awake at this hour. A rage filled message finds its way to me, filled with malice from what once was an old friend.
How dare I write about a conversation we had, how dare I exercise my own free will and point of view; how dare I.
My most recent post caused a nerve to be hit, the result was not their concession to giving up on their dream, rather the have now given up on me. It’s funny, I never relied on them, yet they feel this turn of events will somehow have a great impact on my life when in all honesty it won’t.
The strangest thing is that this reaction only confirms what I had written, the ego is strife with fear. My words may have been harsh, but the message was not malicious, I only hoped for them not to give upon their dream as they had done before.
Holding a mirror of what I see to ones face can not always guarantee the reaction will be a pleasant one.
I guess that we don’t really know people as well as we thought, though I never professed to have an in-depth knowledge of her inner being. I merely comment on the external persona. Still, life goes on and people go down different paths, but I wonder if she will ever fulfil her dream?
Knowledge I will never attain, but never the less, I wish her well, all I can do now as she so aptly put it is to have a nice existence. Clearly having a nice life is only meant for people, not monsters like me.
Breaking The Tension:
The tension in the room is thick and suffocating.
All of the hopefuls are frantically working to answer their questions in time, clawing at the pages to check and double check what they have written. Their fear is unwarranted for I have watched them grow through the process, each developing his or her unique strengths and build a solid foundation of knowledge.
The task at hand for many in this room is a life changing one, once this is complete they will be one step closer to a new life, one step closer to their dream, I can understand their anxiety because I was once in the same position. While I had many jobs before my career I used them as mere stepping stones while I gather my experience, these fledgelings have the rare opportunity to start their dream career from the beginning.
I have faith they will all do well.
I am awake
She still sleeps
I am awake
She dreams of horror
I am awake
She struggles to rest
I am awake
She calms as I hold her
I am awake
I am awake
Breaking the Mould:
They yearn to learn
Take the first step without being told
They yearn to earn
Moving away from the norm and breaking the mould.
Young, carefree and eyes of hope
A new life of work and play
The pressure will mount, I prey they cope
Work hard they must, if in this life they want to stay.
Just one click is all it takes these days to become famous.
That simple sharing of a post, video, GIF or blog and you become a star overnight. Long gone are the days of the self made millionaire, now is the reign of electronic epiphany.
I wonder how many struggle each day to get themselves noticed on sites such as Instagram,
You Tube, Twitter, Vine, Facebook and countless more. Their numbers must be in hundreds, thousands or millions I would guess.
The fate for many of those wanting hopefuls is only to become a star in their own universe. To be revered by their following but nothing more than a leave caught on the wind in the eyes of the world, largely unnoticed but always there in the background.
Is that so bad though?
Just think of all the people who have become a sensation, they have broken the natural law of progression and achieve their 15min of fame but just like a match their light only lasts so long. Shortly after the mob has had its fill they seek something better and more spectacular, therefore the short lived internet star is cast aside like an unwanted toy and forgotten.
True enough some hold the attention of the sheep a little longer than their predecessors, but eventually they too lose their shine and fade away in to the background.
Many of the short lived sensations try desperately to get back even a fraction of their fame, but sadly they never do. Years pass and they struggle to see why they couldn’t have made it like one of the Kardashians, or found fame like Bieber. They just can’t understand they WHY, but I do.
Would you like me to tell you what the ominous WHY is?
Ok, I will.
The reason why some will always stay in the limelight is down to one simple fact; they have as many people hate as the do adore them, this is why they sustain their fame. This is how they become immortal for lack of a better word.
It is true that there are many people in the world that are loved far more than they are hated, but those are the people who have built fame over time and hard work. The secret to the sustained internet success is hate. The fans will start the initial tsunami, but it is the haters that will continue to make waves long after the initial impact has dissipated.
So for all those who want to know, the secret to fame isn’t friends, it’s enemies.
What is a blog?
A blog is a place we care share our thoughts, our hopes and our dreams.
It is also a place where you will find the darkest thoughts imaginable, crippling fears and scars of the heart which never healed.
Despite all of what you might find a blog is a place where people can feel they belong. A place where they’re treated with empathy and understanding, never judged for what they may have done, good it’s bad. Simply accepted.
A blog is a home filled with people just like you.
Above all else, a blog is a place where no one ever has to feel alone.