Teen Angst

Teenage angst

A fascinating thing

To fit in you must be an outcast

How funny it is to be on the outside looking in

Teenage angst

A fascinating thing

Faiths Conundrum

Faith, it’s such an interesting term because you’re meant to have it without question, to trust that everything is part of one master plan that will lead us all to salvation.

If that is the case, why are we so flawed?

Maybe that is part of the plan, perhaps those with unwavering faith have to accept that the evil created is at the will of their benevolent one, that all the pain and suffering is necessary.

Many would disagree and as such contradict their own beliefs, especially those who say everyone is forgiven in the end and their sins washed away, depending on the interpretation you read.

The almighty and its required faith seems to be confusing at best, deceptive but with justified reason, at least you know where you stand with the fallen one but what is to say the one who fell is the evil one…

Knowing Hope

I told someone today that like myself she gets stuck in a loop, u like mine hers is one of unfinished business.

Her response was short and snappy;

“Says you, Mr I’ve gotten to my highest level in boxing or dance so I shall quit.”

I accept those comments, however I reached my desired goals. Once I reach my goal I become bored and seek a new challenge, but considering her slight outburst I am lead to believe her ego was in danger.

I pressed on and made more provoking statements, simply stating that some people make it work.

Her response;

“I’m not some people”

Words said with a sharp tongue.

I clearly hit a nerve and wounded her ego. While my intentions are not malicious, her response spoke more than words ever could.

Once again she is preparing to forgo her dream, from the outsiders perspective it appears that times have once again become tough and the knee jerk response is to give up.

The worst part is I have faith, but my words will mean little because it seems her mind is made up.

Alas, perhaps it will be different this time. Maybe she will become ‘some people’ rather than join the crowd of ‘everyone else’.

I enjoy watching people succeed, it just seems they lack the necessary faith and patience to stay the course. Though I suppose I have no real place to comment considering I’m not a parent.

I shall quietly stay in the background, watching from afar. Waiting in hope that she will break the loop of which she is ensnared.

Knowing:

To know how to handle another person is a skill few possess and even less can acquire.

Over time I have heard countless people cry. They all let it go and fall apart, with no hesitation or regret to show that side of themselves, a side so vulnerable, so fragile, so weak. The amount of trust I must amass in such a short time is clearly an honour, but until the realise life never really change, they will always end up back in the same situation.

I don’t want to remember the last time I let everything go, that feeling of complete helplessness is not anything I desire. Those who have been close tell me I am like stone when confronted with situations of emotion, cold, unmoving, emotionless and blank, those are but a few words to describe my detachment from situations of that ilk.

I’ve forgotten what it is to cry…

I forgotten what it is to feel anything anymore…

Anything other than nothing.

Searing Mind

It feels as if I am losing my connecting with everything.

My innate sense of my surroundings and feeling the flow of the Qi around me is slowly diminishing. As I spoke to a friend I felt nothing from him, no joy, no sadness, no rage… nothing. I wasn’t even aware of his presence when he was behind me until just before he spoke.

What is happening to me?

Have I become so absorbed by meaningless follies that I am becoming just like everyone else? A drone following a path of nothingness existence. Or is it that I am just losing faith in it all?

My head is filled with questions that I will never have answered, they sear through my mind hour after hour, but the funniest part is no one will know.

Ripples

Ripples form on the waters surface,
The wandering soul knows no rest.

Searching for that which was lost,
Unrelenting in his search, he will find that which will restore his faith,
He will find her.

Today? Tomorrow?
He knows not when this revelation will come,
All he has is strength of character, faith and hope in the future.

Time is the arbiter of everyone’s destiny, both distant and immediate,
All it takes is time for this wandering soul,
Time to find that which was lost,
Time to find she who is waiting for him to find her.

It’s all about time.

Time to Take a Chance?

“Surrounded by people yet still standing alone”

Day by day I feel more and more distant from the world sitting in the coffee shop watching the various stories unfold in people’s life’s, time passes them by the remain still living routine as I watch I wonder how long ago their dreams died and they resided themselves to such a life.

Work has become mundane; my passion has begun to fade a constant barrage of insipid people and idiots I deal with daily leaves me wanting more from life. In these times the world has a funny way of throwing lifelines in various forms, mine happened to be in the form of an offer to work and travel the world at the same time, since I had nothing to hold me down what was there to lose by taking this chance?

Accepting the meeting I began to gather the required documents, upon finishing my task I started the walk home to be greeted by the bitter chill of winter. The cold air gripped my lungs, the wind cut through me leaving an all too familiar feeling, as I walk I begin weighing up the reasons to stay they are countable on only one hand and they all happened to be close friends the same close friends who it seemed loved me out of utility and nothing more.

I had been told by a select few that I was the most consistent part of their life, always there to help, always there to pick up the pieces, to say what no one else would for the right reasons. It was funny I could help other people solve their problems but when it came to my own I had accepted almost everything but there was one small piece that seemed missing I was aware of it but unsure of what it was.

My feelings for her had been replaced by pity, the energy it took to hate was to taxing and not worth it. I had tied up loose ends and been honest about the place I was in and the simple fact of not wanting anything in my current state of fragility but I could still not place the sinister feeling I had it was as if eyes were watching me and waiting for me to turn my back and then strike with yet more betrayal, Had I been that hurt by recent event that I now saw the world in a jaded light?

In recent times I have gained so much that has allowed me to be more open and empathetic, was I now loosing these new abilities? The constant mental fatigue was finally setting in…Time to take a chance, throw caution to the winds, say what I felt and hold nothing back.

“One of the hardest questions to answer honestly is a simple one…. Why? If you want to know the truth as this question to yourself, be warned you might not like your answer”