The Maddening Frustration

When did the American Dream cross the sea?
Everywhere you look you can see it
The idea that anything is possible
That living outside the rules of reality is viable
It can’t be only me who sees it, can it?
Have I fallen so far in the this cynical abyss that everything I now see is a twisted version of itself?

Reading back over the years and everything written to me is how life is, yet to everyone else it’s nothing more than bitter words from a broken heart of long ago that never truly stopped bleeding.

Surely other people can see the hypocritical nature of humans?

Those who lived that drug fuelled life and are now reformed and holier-than-thou and championing the spiritual life of benevolence and magnanimity, ugh such bulllshit, it’s all bullshit.

Argh, this frustration, what, where does it come from and why won’t it leave me.

Which door is closed, what is behind it, how can it be found?

It is that one in the corner of my eye, the one I look to see and yet each time it’s never there. Is it madness, or something else?

At this point in my life I reckon the Mobius Chair would be rather useful, alas that is but fiction and time marches on until we are merely shadows & dust, just like Proximo said.

“Shadows & dust Maximus. Shadows & dust…..”



Why do I align with the solitude is a question harbouring in the mind of my inner circle, the answer is simple… It’s what I want. It’s my choice.

This choice, it will be met with anger because not everyone understands why a person would want to go it alone but eventually that will subside, eventually they will understand. My moods have become erratic, so erratic that I want to be alone because I will have no need to contain, restrain or control my emotions. I will be able to let the seamless transition happen without having to worry about who will be effected apart from myself.

My default has always been to retreat away from the crowds of people. There is very little I care about and I don’t want it caught in the black hole that is my thoughts, it’s not fair to lean on people when they don’t deserve the brunt of my moods. While it is true that they would be there for me, I can’t bring myself to rely on anyone else.

History has taught me one lesson repeatedly; Being alone is not a bad thing.

Burning the bridges that ascend the clouds to the peaks of friendship and love is not my intention but it will be taken in that regard, luckily I am a good climber. I will do what I need to do to get myself through this first, then I shall begin the climb.

Do you listen?

When other speak, do you listen?

Life is like music, it is without definition or interpretation. Everything is subject to a persons own depth, knowledge and experience.

I listen to the keys being played on this piano and I find a comfort in its softly subtle notes. Each note reaches the very depths of my beings and bring about a different memory each time, all the while not asking for anything in return for this gift.

Did we really loose sight of what really matter through greed? Or perhaps it was through a sense of pride and that ever growing narcism that engulfs the minds of the many.

When you read this can you feel what I feel?

Shadows & Dust

“Memories are like buildings of old, once grandiose and proud they stand for all ages to see, but eventually the fall in to the shadows and become nothing except dust that flows with the wind.”

We all leave the world and fall into the shadows, very few people ever really make a difference in the world so why do we worry so much? Why do we repeat the same mistakes? Why do we never take note of the lessons we learn.

Life has taught me much so far, how to love unconditional, how a smile can change a person’s day, and so much more. I am guilty of ignoring some of the lessons I’ve learned I am not afraid to say, why did I make the same mistake more than once? Hope.

In the past I had hoped things would change or play out differently even when the signs were all the same, such is the definition of insanity.

Is it insane to try and hope for the best in people? To give them more chances than they deserved? Perhaps, but sometimes we all try at least one more time than we should.

The hardest lesson I’ve learned is the one that matters the most, some people are beyond help and no matter how much you try and help it will never be enough. These are the people that will receive a passing smile, a reminiscent though and prayer of happiness for their future.

“I guess no matter how hurt you were or how the past played out you will always care for people. Well that’s how things are for me anyway.”/p>