Tap Tap

Time again to hear that gentle tapping at my bolted door
Tap tap tap, unrelenting until my head is sore
Endlessly pursued by this capricious whore
Take much already they have yet still the want more
A pound of flesh, a cup of sanity and pinch of soul from my very core
I wish to let the madness envelope me to charge head first in to this life time war

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Dreamers Void

Pitch black & filled with irreverent colour
Dreamers void
Standing atop my own
Raging fire sit on the palm of this hand
Cast you out to fall
Incinerate
Snow begins to fall the colour of ash
No angel on any shoulder
The devil that resided there runs and hides at the horror
Questions asked, only one
Speak…. Speak…. Little, lost, soul

It’s Finally Gone

“Just like that the weight of a thousand ages had been lifted from my shoulders”

Countless thoughts, feelings, memories and stories have been written in the blog and after the revelations of the last few days my pain has finally gone…

Thinking back to the times I tried to help and failed, thinking back through all the pain I suffered without hesitation for her, I finally knew there was nothing more I could do. My last act was carried out only a couple of days ago and yet it feels like so much longer.

I was told by “Kain” that he and his son were trying desperately to pull “April” out of a destructive situation, Knowing that they are doing all they can was comforting yet sad.

Why was it sad? Because who I once knew was truly lost and there was no chance of her ever returning.

The person that was now left in her place I wished not ill towards, but with all my heart I prayed for her safety and happiness with  hope one day she has a chance to find love. I thought I could have given her all of this but that was written in the stars for us. I hope that one day she might be free of her own darkness that surrounds her.

Finally letting go of the memory of the girl I had held onto for so long was hard, to let go of everything, the hope, dreams, feelings and memories is not something you can plan it just happens when you’re ready, I shed no tears and felt no pain, there was nothing else left for me to do but continue my life.

I am sure I will have times where something will trigger a vagrant memory; it’s only human to remember someone who you loved with all of your heart.

Strange really, my eyes have been opened as has my heart.

It’s time to live, and who knows maybe one day I will meet someone worth letting in again and when I do I will not be afraid of getting hurt because if I have another chance to be as happy as I felt with her it will be worth the risk.

“She would always have been enough, always”

The Darkness of the Heart

“Born of pure light our hearts hold the key to breaking free of the darkness, will you choose the path of the light or be swallowed by the darkness that we all must face..”

My heart has been tied to the darkness the simple choice to let go and succumb is all to strong. Today it feel as if my strength is finally beginning to disappear, fighting back every dark impulse for so long has taken its toll.

Worn down by the constant emotional battles from within has left me tired and weary. 

Disgusting the worth of words unable to ascertain fact from fallacy I no longer can hold back the temptation to give myself to the darkness in my heart.

All I ever wanted was the truth.

Those words still echo in my mind the suffering is endless! 

Even if I meant nothing, to me you meant everything. Such a fool for falling to words I have longed to hear, when all along it was a trick yet try as I might something keeps me connected to the pain unable to let go.

“It’s time to step into the dark for what awaits can only be a release compared to what I have endured”