All I want to do is cry, for I cannot say what I really feel; I cannot express the pain the still resides because it would only cause unnecessary pain for her. She wouldn’t be able to see past it.
She is the one person I am meant to be able to tell everything too, the beautiful irony is now I can’t because we are together.
Sitting in this coffee house I ask myself “Am I really over it all?” the feelings of love I one had are gone, there is no question of that; so why do I still hurt… I try as hard as I can to let go and in brief periods it becomes possible, these moments are relieving despite only being brief.
If I was to sit and open my heart, to lay bare all my feelings it would shatter her. Now I am stuck in a self repeating contradiction, an eternal paradox that has only one end, an end that I do not want. To let go of my pain I have to cause more to another, more than I already have through my selfish actions, I disgust myself.
Reading back I see the excuses I make, what a coward.