What Lay Beneath.

Though I am not the strongest, fastest, smartest, most selfless or benevolent, I am honest to a fault and it causes me no end of troubles.

Honesty have never been the best policy. Who really wants the truth when it’s far easier to believe a convenient lie?

No one.

I was sat listening to a conversation today between two feminists. While both had fiery passion in their voices, the conversation was one of discrimination and prejudice, I fond the irony quite amusing.

It struck me that people want you to believe they’re as pure as freshly laid snow, but they forget that although the snow may portray a perfect image, it is what lies beneath that provides the substance and support of that image. Thus, the image can only be supported for so long before it melts away and we are able to see the truth.

Having an opinion is not wrong, nor is having a different opinion for that of your acquaintances, friends and even family. This is what gives us our individuality, our character, both good and bad. So why do so many try to hide what they are?

Fear is the only answer I can find, but perhaps I can’t see past the history of my life for anything else.

I believe we all live in fear to some form or lesser degree.

The fear of failure
The fear of achievement
The fear of persecution
The fear of loss
The fear of judgement
The fear of letting those in need down
The fear of not being what we pretend to be…

When the world around us is in flames and the black ash covers the ground for miles to see, this is when we will truly know what scares us. Will we fear the raging inferno and the life it will take from us, or do we fear surviving the blaze and having nothing to live for.

Death or Life.

Which will you fear?

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Control

We worry so much about all the ‘things’ we can’t control.

The trains, the planes, the people and even the world…

Perhaps we are looking at this things called life all wrong, maybe, just maybe we should be looking not for control, but for those magical moments that happen because we are out of control?

We only have a short time on this earth. Many fill it with worry and doubt, thoughts of “How will I cope?” or “What will I do?”. When you reach the end of your story do you want to look back and see nothing but worry and a life filled with caution, or would you want to see a life full of risk, chance and all the rewards that come with that lack of control you so fear?

I know what I would prefer.

Do you?

Coins…

Often we found ourselves under the burden of choice. Why is it all of our experience accounts for nothing when faced with a question we have been asked so many times before?

The simple answer: We want it all.

Do we delve into the rabbit hole and see how far we fall, or should we climb the vines to heights above the clouds?

After waiting so long, being unknowing of a persons emotions and unsure of their desires, to finally have them revealed was a welcome surprise, yet, it only adds to the complication.
The longer we wait the more we drift, each step we take closer down new avenues the further away from we move from our old destinations.

To have feelings for a person and yet feel hurt by their indicative nature is tormenting, to not know truly where you stand or how much longer you will have to wait before you’re allowed to understand that person further is maddening.
On the reverse of that coin is by and large their polar opposite, the antitheses of all they are. Fear seems to be nothing but an illusion, they act on impulse and raw emotion, like a volatile cocktail they’re ready to explode in to what could be passion beyond belief.

One will be something more, the other a mere memory in the vast expanse of time.

The question is which is which?

Maybe the only answer is to simply flip a coin and leave everything totally up to chance…

Time to Take a Chance?

“Surrounded by people yet still standing alone”

Day by day I feel more and more distant from the world sitting in the coffee shop watching the various stories unfold in people’s life’s, time passes them by the remain still living routine as I watch I wonder how long ago their dreams died and they resided themselves to such a life.

Work has become mundane; my passion has begun to fade a constant barrage of insipid people and idiots I deal with daily leaves me wanting more from life. In these times the world has a funny way of throwing lifelines in various forms, mine happened to be in the form of an offer to work and travel the world at the same time, since I had nothing to hold me down what was there to lose by taking this chance?

Accepting the meeting I began to gather the required documents, upon finishing my task I started the walk home to be greeted by the bitter chill of winter. The cold air gripped my lungs, the wind cut through me leaving an all too familiar feeling, as I walk I begin weighing up the reasons to stay they are countable on only one hand and they all happened to be close friends the same close friends who it seemed loved me out of utility and nothing more.

I had been told by a select few that I was the most consistent part of their life, always there to help, always there to pick up the pieces, to say what no one else would for the right reasons. It was funny I could help other people solve their problems but when it came to my own I had accepted almost everything but there was one small piece that seemed missing I was aware of it but unsure of what it was.

My feelings for her had been replaced by pity, the energy it took to hate was to taxing and not worth it. I had tied up loose ends and been honest about the place I was in and the simple fact of not wanting anything in my current state of fragility but I could still not place the sinister feeling I had it was as if eyes were watching me and waiting for me to turn my back and then strike with yet more betrayal, Had I been that hurt by recent event that I now saw the world in a jaded light?

In recent times I have gained so much that has allowed me to be more open and empathetic, was I now loosing these new abilities? The constant mental fatigue was finally setting in…Time to take a chance, throw caution to the winds, say what I felt and hold nothing back.

“One of the hardest questions to answer honestly is a simple one…. Why? If you want to know the truth as this question to yourself, be warned you might not like your answer”