Can, but should?

Just because you can, it doesn’t mean you should

Yet if you do, then you do not regret

Accept the choice, embrace every aspect of it

Mull over it in those times you can, reflect and learn

Repeat the action or banish it from your soul

Which ever you choose, never regret

Then remember this, even if banished it will never be too far away to be called upon

This is truth, this is your nature,

This is you.

Advertisements

People of Irony

These people… You know them.

We all know them.

One day the world will be at their mercy, cowering because of their rise; or so they would have you think.

They scorn without hesitation and then persist to be overcome by guilt when the opportunity they sought has passed, for them to become the martyr and not the tyrant. Soon after the passing of the tides they wish all that was said could be taken back, all the injustice could be wiped away and everything that’s now seen can be banished form existence.

I loath such people.

After the veils fall away you can see them, the moment is only brief but once you have seen you can never un-see. You will always know.

I say to those people make peace with yourself and let go of your guilt, it’s not worth holding on too, it will only destroy you from the inside out… slowly but surely, everyday and forever.

The most ironic part of it all is I too am one of those people.

What Lay Beneath.

Though I am not the strongest, fastest, smartest, most selfless or benevolent, I am honest to a fault and it causes me no end of troubles.

Honesty have never been the best policy. Who really wants the truth when it’s far easier to believe a convenient lie?

No one.

I was sat listening to a conversation today between two feminists. While both had fiery passion in their voices, the conversation was one of discrimination and prejudice, I fond the irony quite amusing.

It struck me that people want you to believe they’re as pure as freshly laid snow, but they forget that although the snow may portray a perfect image, it is what lies beneath that provides the substance and support of that image. Thus, the image can only be supported for so long before it melts away and we are able to see the truth.

Having an opinion is not wrong, nor is having a different opinion for that of your acquaintances, friends and even family. This is what gives us our individuality, our character, both good and bad. So why do so many try to hide what they are?

Fear is the only answer I can find, but perhaps I can’t see past the history of my life for anything else.

I believe we all live in fear to some form or lesser degree.

The fear of failure
The fear of achievement
The fear of persecution
The fear of loss
The fear of judgement
The fear of letting those in need down
The fear of not being what we pretend to be…

When the world around us is in flames and the black ash covers the ground for miles to see, this is when we will truly know what scares us. Will we fear the raging inferno and the life it will take from us, or do we fear surviving the blaze and having nothing to live for.

Death or Life.

Which will you fear?

Damaged

The trials of constantly having to prove ones self become tiring.

Each time the justification needs to be met the bigger the distance between us becomes, eventually there is no way to cross over anymore and we are left on separate sides of the chasm.

The ground was finally split be the vagrant thoughts of a random dream, it left a cut so deep in the group that mother earth could do no more. The fault is cast on to one side, as it always is.

Time and again I have shouldered the blame, repeatedly, always.

Nothing is ever enough, more is needed, more is wanted, more of my soul. They say to give yourselves to one another, yet they fail to mention the price you will pay.

Paranoia, jealousy, obsession and greed consume.

From another small journey I have learnt much about myself.

I lost a large part of me all those years ago. While there is no longer any feelings of love, remorse, anger or even hate I have come to realise that I am still damaged. Perhaps beyond repair.

The idea of my being seems to draw people in, much like a poisoned plant luring in helpless animals. They soon begin to understand what is beneath the colours and claim that I have changed, the sad truth being I’m the same as I was, but now they see everything.

None ever seeks to understand the fractured mind. Instead they try to fix it with pieces of their own, as if trying to fix gold with bronze.

Looking across the chasm before me I feel a slight twinge of sadness. It represents another failing in my short lived life. Alas I shall begin again to wander, one day it will all make sense I’m sure.

One and Nothing

The days merge in to one is it Monday, Thursday… Perhaps a Sunday?

Living and existing are two very different things by definition. As I live in this now merged world I ponder many thoughts about what actually matters and what doesn’t, but I always end up coming to the same conclusion – Nothing matters unless we choose so.

Is this the deeper meaning of meanings?

After all, if we choose not to care about something would it still matter in the grand scheme of things? I guess depending on what you consider to have true value that answer is no.

To have control of your mind, nay, your emotional mind is what can make the difference between strength and weakness, love and hate, fear and courage, maybe, just maybe this is what is missing from it all.

Control over what nothing else can control, unless you choose it too. Is that the real meaning of it all…

Flurrying Emotions

A flurry of emotion was enraged at the very mention of her name. My heart rate sky rocketed, my pupils dilated and the adrenaline surged through my body.

Every conceivable feeling coursed through my body: Fear, Anxiety, Sadness, Happiness, Confusion, Hate and one which I wish i had never felt.

Once again the past is trying to drag its self up and cause me more torment. Why is it that which died so long ago keeps being reborn like the Phoenix from the ashes?

I act normal and many are unaware of the storm I conceal, no one can see it. The mental pressure is only released when I remember those words screamed at me what seems like a life time ago. These words echo through my very soul and pull at the scars of the heart, the emotion wants to burst out and erupt like a volcano. I cannot let this happen, for it will be the end of me.

The more the instinct of emotion takes hold the less I see. It like as if the world around me begins to fade to black, it feels like dying. The more I feel this the more it feels like something else takes over… something dark.

After regaining control I feel drained, but at least I’m still me, at least I’m still alive.

A Knifes Edge

Apparently I seem distant, vacant; empty.

With the thoughts currently circling my mind it seems as if life is balanced on a knifes edge, one simple tip and it will fall to the ground shattering like a mirror that has dropped from a wall.

This is no way to live.

For all incumbent purposes I have nothing to worry about, I have been reassured, I have people behind me and yet, my gut feelings tells me to beware, it tell me to be vigilant.

When will this feeling disperse?

In myself it almost seems like I have resided myself to what is only a vagrant thought in the back of my mind, it feels like I’ve given up and now I am waiting for the inevitable.

If events to spiral towards a devastating end, I will not go down easily, no matter how futile it might be, I will do what I can.

I just hope it can be avoided.