St Peter

When you’re standing at the pearly gates and St Peter asks you the ominous question;

‘Was it worth it?’

What will you say?




I don’t know…

Life is about living and enjoying simple pleasures. Be those of achievement or anything that is important to you.

No matter the choices you make they should always be worth it.

So looking back on your life so far, what would you say?


The Ruse

To look at him you would think he has never suffered issues with his confidence

He is surrounded by people who admire him

But if you look closer you will see the signs of times where that was not the case

He sits on his own waiting while the others go to the bar

He takes out his cards and looks through them

Turn any card to be out of place over and around with a smile on his face

He holds them close to his chest a tell tail sign his confidence was once low at best

I smile at him and he smiles at me

No one else noticed the subtleties that I could see

His friends rejoin and his cards go away you’d never imagine with pokemon cards he would play

Outward appearance is nought but a ruse but we only show what we choose

Now I sit here drinking my tea, smiling at the fact no one else knows but him and me.

People Never Listen

A rather large round woman is sat across the way form me complaining how she struggles to loose weight.

Even though I am devoid of any emotion, my intellect is still intact. This is a dangerous thing… She is say pouring 3 packets of sugar in to her hot chocolate and eating a muffin. Is there any wonder she looks the way she does.

I bite my tongue as she continues to moan and bitch.

Eventually she notices me attire. I know what is coming, I am silently begging her not to speak to me, not to ask me the inevitable question I know she will ask.

“Excuse me.”

I smile and look up reluctantly.

“You look like you’re in to fitness. I struggle to loose weight, what can I do?”

My head spins with a thousand words. I could say so  much. I could give her the anecdotal advice she wants and appease her need to validate her current physical condition or I could scold her with the harsh truth and shatter her.

Keeping a logical mind I simple smile and say “Move a little more and eat a little less refined food.” then I ace my headphones in and return to my work.

Seemingly dissatisfied with  my answer she beckons my attention again.

“I don’t eat that much and I’m on my feet all day, do you think I have a thyroid problem?”

I have no patience for these silly games. I decide to tell her the truth.

“You’re sat eating a muffin and drinking a hot chocolate with 3 packets of sugar in it and you wonder why you’re not losing weight?”

Her face drops…

“I could tell you what you want to hear, I can even tell you what you need to hear but none of it will matter because you won’t change a thing about your life. The simple answer to your problem is to find out what is really important to you. How you look or how you feel. Personally I don’t care if a person is skinny, fat, muscular or whatever. If they are happy and I mean truly happy within themselves then they won’t care either. Perhaps instead of look for answers externally you should first look internally, then you might understand.”

It’s safe to say she didn’t ask for my opinion again.

I feel so frustrated by this world. People need everyone else to fix their problems, or seek answers for questions they don’t understand. If only we would look in to ourselves first then half of our problems would disappear.

The rest of today shall be spent in isolation, no one else needs to feel the cut of my sharp tongue.


To be devoid of any emotion is strange.

It’s like being stood in the rain yet not feeling a drop touch your skin.

You try to muster anything. Be it anger, jealousy, hate or love, but no matter what you try it doesn’t matter because there is just nothing there.

You’re surrounded by emotion everyday and still none of it touches you.

One benefit of living in this void is the clarity of thought it provides. Answer to questions you had wondered for years suddenly become clear, choice becomes easy, life becomes revealed.

To understand we must slip in to nothing.

Words From The Wise

A few wise words from a friend found their way to my door. He is a wise man and a far more intelligent soul than myself but while they had the best of intentions they only served to cement my view and push me further in the opposite direction to which they intended me to go.

There seems to be one thing that is forgotten in the world today, advice is only welcome if asked for. Especially by someone like me. I have always found my way to my desired destination, though the route is not one everybody agrees with. Many times people have tried to impose their good will on me with the best of intentions but it only makes matters worse, after all, I’m the one who decides and my head just won’t let allow me to be told what to do when it’s something that opposes what I want.
I found myself reading over and old book on the psychology of manipulation, they’re all their, each holding a different sway that will have the desired.
Guilt, Intimidation, Appealing to Ego, Fear, Curiosity, The Desire to be Liked and finally Love.
Each one has been used on me more times than I care to remember over the years, but they will only work if your desires are the same, if not then you have no hope of changing my course.
To explain why i do what I do is pointless, it’s not for fear of getting hurt or broken or anything else, it’s because I choose too.
My nature is greed.
I want what I want and I always get it.
Some will say this is the typical attitude of a sibling-less child and they might be right, but regardless I’ve always worked for what I’ve wanted and no matter how long it took I always go it in the end.
If I was to feel that freedom was being stripped away, be that physically or mentally, I will cut off. A defence mechanism this maybe, but it’s kept me moving forwards all the time thus far.
Most people want the stable life, the boring life, the life of routine. It’s a good life to have but style of life requires commitment and the sacrifice of freedom. I guess I am just not ready to let go of my freedom yet.
If only people would listen to each other, the world would be an easier place to live in.