What have you been called by people over the years?
Angry, depressed, tormented, conflicted, sad, melancholy, distracted, evil, cruel, lost, broken and many more that essentially link to the same roots.
If you could find the point from which it all stems would you have the strength to pull it out?
Especially if it meant you’d die a little inside.
Best start digging because the only way to know is to stare that choice in the face.