Overwhelming, that’s what it is.
To feel so scared you just want to run away and disappear, yet when the opportunity presents itself the thought of it terrifies you even more.
Such pathetic irony.
Will there ever be an end to feeling like this you ask. I don’t know, who ever really knows what will bring ones retribution so that they may then once again join the ranks of the unblemished. Even though ever scar must eventually fade in time, it will still always be there as a reminder of your failure.
What’s going to be worse, spending each day looking over one shoulder or facing it all head on. A tough choice, with a probability that neither will be what you want and still they are what you deserve.
To still the mind, calming the waves of renegade thoughts crashing in to the walls of your skull, I know not how to give you the answer for this request. All you can’t take from away from this is the simple truth that is it’s your fault. That is lesson passed to me on how to calm the mind, that is all there is to it.
Can peace be made with that which you run from? Perhaps, but not if you keep running.