Not all is even.

She loves me….

She really really loves me and yet I can’t seem to feel anything on that level for her and it tears me apart because she doesn’t deserve anything less. Not all is even and it never will be and that breaks me in two.

I know how much that will hurt and yet I can’t force myself to feel anything past what I do. While there is no question of love, I am not ‘In love’ and there is a big difference between the two.

I’ve seen countless people who love each other live out their lives with something always being missing. They will often now refer to the couple of old who stuck it out because back in ‘their day’ they fixed what was broken rather than throwing it out. While this is true there was also as much if not more infidelity between these old couples because even though they got the emotional support and comfort of the home life they were missing that quintessential part of any relationship that makes the difference, passion.

Years have gone by and I’ve watched so many fires burn out because they only last so long. No this isn’t always the case as some have flames as bright as the day they met and it’s those people I envy the most because that’s how it should be, well, to me that’s how it should be. Yes they will have ups and downs but the fire, the passion will always be there and I don’t see the point in settling for anything less than that because in my heart I know I wouldn’t be faithful because something would always be missing. Harsh but true and even if people say they would never do such things I can tell you from bitter experience that no matter how much you claim to love someone the moment you find the difference between loving someone and being ‘in love’ with someone, nothing else comes close.

Am I Cruel? Probably

Am I Heartless? Possibly

Am I Honest? Every time.

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