Not all is even.

She loves me….

She really really loves me and yet I can’t seem to feel anything on that level for her and it tears me apart because she doesn’t deserve anything less. Not all is even and it never will be and that breaks me in two.

I know how much that will hurt and yet I can’t force myself to feel anything past what I do. While there is no question of love, I am not ‘In love’ and there is a big difference between the two.

I’ve seen countless people who love each other live out their lives with something always being missing. They will often now refer to the couple of old who stuck it out because back in ‘their day’ they fixed what was broken rather than throwing it out. While this is true there was also as much if not more infidelity between these old couples because even though they got the emotional support and comfort of the home life they were missing that quintessential part of any relationship that makes the difference, passion.

Years have gone by and I’ve watched so many fires burn out because they only last so long. No this isn’t always the case as some have flames as bright as the day they met and it’s those people I envy the most because that’s how it should be, well, to me that’s how it should be. Yes they will have ups and downs but the fire, the passion will always be there and I don’t see the point in settling for anything less than that because in my heart I know I wouldn’t be faithful because something would always be missing. Harsh but true and even if people say they would never do such things I can tell you from bitter experience that no matter how much you claim to love someone the moment you find the difference between loving someone and being ‘in love’ with someone, nothing else comes close.

Am I Cruel? Probably

Am I Heartless? Possibly

Am I Honest? Every time.

Following

He leads

She follows

Maybe they like it that way

Or perhaps neither know any different

We learn from our past, in doing so we relive our parents lives unknowingly

Strange fate, isn’t it.

World of Change 

People are scared of change

Change is painful.

Change can be ugly and change can be beautiful 

Sometimes though, it’s both.  

If you can live through the pain 

If you can survive the ugly times where people turn on each other

Eventually, in the end, you will witness the beauty you hoped for. 

Script

“What’s your dream?”

“I want to become a hero”

“That’s good, unachievable dreams are the best kind.”

A short script that has stayed with me for years. I often think about those words and what they mean, or at least my own interpretation of what they mean. I guess for some it means the glory, adulation, praise, respect and fame that comes with such title, which people will do anything to achieve, so long as it’s easy enough to walk away without a scratch.

To me a hero is that person you see on the street who no longer values their own life because they’d be willing to sacrifice it to give someone else a chance at a life they want to live. Most real heroes are lost to the cause they choose to follow, a sacrifice, the risk their own lives everyday because they value everyone else’s life more than their own. Perhaps that is the only real selfless act in the world.