Fire, Emeralds & Desire

The girl with fire red hair and emerald eyes had a beautiful smile and yet she looked so vacant. So distant and disconnected from reality.

A short conversation showed me quite a lot about her.

As she talked I sat and listened, her insecurity covered up by humour and a smile. There are some demons that she ignores in the hope they will go away. He words told one story and her fingers another. She tried hard not to make too much eye contact, with only subtle and short glances, much like a child who didn’t want t be seen but still craved to be noticed in the right way.

It seems her life is not what she wanted it to be, even though she has unconditional love, she didn’t see this being how her life would turn out. She had the familiar look of a person who had been trapped and now had no other option but to accept what is and deal with it. Unlike me she didn’t have the luxury or running.

I do find people fascinating. It helps distract me.

As with many before her however I see the looks she thinks I miss. Those looks of curious lust for something she does’t quite understand in the hope it will be the missing element she is looking for. I’ve been in this reality countless times before, I know how it will play out and how it will end before it’s even begun. I think this time I will do the right thing and walk away. I’ve used too much pain in the past to good people without the need to cause any more.

It seems I am regaining what I used to be. The dangerous object of a hearts desire.

Time to leave the past behind and become more.

 

 

 

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Rose of May

The mood is a somber one today

Sitting while watching the Rose of May

Lit by a sky both bright and grey

As I sit, wishing my time away.