I’m Totally Lost

It’s become easy to see why people struggle to understand… It’s something they couldn’t ever understand because for the they would need to know me and I don’t know who I am anymore.

A sad truth, yet it’s the only one I know at the moment.

To hide behind the image of what you were is a stress.

I lost everything I valued. Trust, feeling happy, content with myself, my identity, it’s all gone and even if I was to take the necessary steps to potentially regain some aspects the bits that really matter are still gone. I gave them willingly and in return I was gifted with nothing back suffering. Perhaps it was my penance, or maybe even what I deserved.

Even when everything stacked against me in the past I could easily keep going, but now all I want to do is close my eyes and never need to open them again. A man out of time, lost among the false visage of sanity…

“There was once all. It was Love, Joy, Happiness and more… Now there is silence where there was laughter, darkness instead of light and no matter how much I want to, I’ve given up the fight.”

I feel totally lost in this world now.

 

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Cruel…

When did I become so cruel?

To rebut such affection and love

Using her as a comfort tool…

I never wanted to cause pain

To selfishly want to be happy

I should have left the sleeping dogs, I should have kept things the same.