Fall

I lost my wings and fell from grace

Falling, spinning, tumbling through the air that burned like white hot fire

Finally my torment resided 

I lay still on the cold floors of man

Not one stops to see what lay before them

Once seen as something, now I lay here, invisible to all. 

An Angry Man

Was it my place to get involved? No.

Did it squash the situation quickly? Yes.

I do find myself losing faith in humans. A man who should have known better decided to threaten a boy who apparently drove in to the back of him, though considering his bike was still standing and he was unhurt I think this was an exaggeration.

Getting between the two I am met with animosity, a middle aged woman also came to reinforce my calm logic.

While his threats we empty I knew all he really wanted was to vent his frustration, so that’s what I let him do. Could I have verbally castrated him because he clearly hasn’t evolved much past that of a neanderthal, yes I could have but that would have solved nothing.

Shortly after he had vented his rage he subconsciously listed to me and moved  his bike out of the way of the amassing traffic. I told the young boy to be more careful, but I don’t think this is a lesson he will soon forget.

What did amuse me about the angry man was how quickly he backed down to someone who stood up to him. I can understand he was angry, rightfully so because he could have indeed been hurt and his pride (bike) damaged, but neither happened. He was merely basing his anger on logical fallacy and ‘what ifs’ so he was acting on emotion, not logic.

In my younger days I would happily have fought with him and beaten him down with words and possibly force if needed, but those days are behind me now. After all, what is the point of senseless violence when the best was to deal with a bully is to simply have him calm himself down with a few cleverly laced words and suggestions.

Funny how people work.

Always a Fool

I am quite thehypocrite really.

Even now, after everything that’s happened I still can’t bring myself to not love her. To think, I still feel as strongly now as I did back then, what a pitiful creature I am.

It’s hard to admit that you went through Hell and back for someone who did nothing but lie to you, yet given the same choice I would do it all again for her.

Woman think that men don’t suffer emotional trauma, but this simply isn’t true. They suffer just as much as the next person, they just hide it well.

While it seems true my feelings were unique and I fell for the clever ruse they were still real to me. They are still real now and that is what holds me back, truth be told they will always hold me back because to me I had found that one person who I could truly say I loved more than myself and I would have given my life to protect her. Sadly that was just the dream of a fool caught in the spiders web, it’s doubtful any of it was real for her. I was nothing more than a plaything that could be disposed of when not needed.

Yet being the fool I walked straight in to it.

Oh well. Time to bury it all once more an continue with life. 

A Word of Caution

I found myself giving words of warning to someone who is playing a game I’m all to familiar with. While the choice is theirs alone I know from experience that there are never any winners in the end.

The game is a lot like chess. Some sacrifices are welcome, others are necessary but there will come a time where you eventually lose something precious and that is when you realise the mistake you’ve made.

Life is a game, however in the end the only real winner is time because no one has yet bested it. Therefore why waste the limited moves you have one the games that do nothing but cost you your future because once you lose time you can win it back.

Decreasing

I thought that after the lights went out everything would be okay, I thought it would all go away and I could escape to my place of peace and serenity, but…

I was wrong.

It seems I am being followed to the realm of the ether by the waking nightmare now as well. There does not seem to be an off switch, I lay asleep but yet still fully conscious and aware of every agonising second the passes by, what a pain in the ass.

Life is ever decreasing. I block everything out, all the sounds, all the emotion and feeling, everything.

The presence of such dullard Qi’s was once tolerable but not anymore, not when so much concentration is used to keep a stable mind and bury the endless amount of frustration and the complete ineptitude of the people I am forced to wait on.

I see so many eyes that are screaming for connection but I can’t bring myself to even rise conversation anymore. I need to venture inward and kick my own ass out of this mindset, if I stay here much longer I won’t last much longer.