Those Eyes

Walking alone in the drizzling rain my thoughts wander to far off places. Looking up I decide after much contemplation to cross the road and venture in to a 7-11 for something random.

The doors open, in my docile state I slowly make my way towards the milk. It was then the whole world stopped revolving and time ceased to govern. As I look up I am greeted but these eyes…. they belong to a face I’ve not seen in a long time; a very long time.

My heart skips a beat, my legs go weak as suddenly I am cast back in to the past. I could not believe that what I thought had long left me was still there in this way, from bitter experience though these feelings are not something that ever comes with anything else but pain, but regardless of it all I can’t deny I was happy to have the chance to cross paths once more.

What was  I going to say?

How was I going to act?

Everything failed me as words vanished in to thin air, all the stability I had amassed over time fell from under me there was nothing I could do. How many times had I run through this happening? How many times had I planned the perfect act that was going to be my shield to protect me from it all? How many times had I told myself… How many times…

I find myself being drawn in again.

Lost in those eyes, I can see a flurry of emotion in them or at least that’s what I am being told to see by something I let rule my choices for so long but it could very well be telling me what I want to believe because if I’m honest I would want to believe it…. As we stand talking more it all seems so familiar, the looks, the smile, the way the body is held. It’s all as if I had only been asleep and everything i’ve lived through was nothing more than a bad dream, but I know that’s not the case.

I have to look away. I have to look anywhere else but in to those eyes because I know if I do then there will be no stopping the uprising on what has lied beneath for so long.

After what only seems like a few minutes the time has come to leave.

More pointless conversation extends this random encounter but I can’t deny I don’t really care.

Parting ways I amble home in the dark and find my head is spinning with a thousand different thoughts or everything and nothing.

I find myself now surrounded by silence writing this, though as I type each word i know exactly what it will do, I know the damage it will cause, I know what it will mean but if I don’t get this out of my head I will go crazy.

I’m sorry for being me.

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