Today has been a rather low day.
I get the feeling this is the mild calm before the storm, unfortunately for me my gut feelings are never wrong but their flaw is they don’t differentiate what is going to fall apart, but it’s going to be something big.
If only I could just up and leave it all… Well, I can to tell the truth, all I need is a plan and a place to go where I can fall off the known grid and just become a nameless face in the crowd.
Yesterday I was looking at a link, a joke as it were. It was a post telling you how a certain type you used to favour as a child could describe you, considering these things are often wrong i thought I would humour it and take a read, 2 popped immediately to mind so I thought I would look at the first and then the second as they sprung up without prompt in my head. I wondered how wrong they could be, but that wasn’t the case… this time they go it was right.
What did they say?
“You’ve peaked. While you used to be top dog, you’re glory days are behind you. You need to accept that the past is past, and begin to take a good, hard look at what the future holds for you.”
The second had these words of wisdom…
“You feel misunderstood. You’ve been spurned so much by people not seeing the real you that you’ve all but disappeared from the world around you. You need to remind yourself that there is no special scope that allows people you for who you really are. If you want people to see what you’re truly made of, you’re going to have to show them yourself.”
I can’t deny that these sum me up perfectly. While there were lots of other potential choices I didn’t read them and went straight for my top pick and my close second.
Time catches up with us all and it’s time to move on and leave it all behind.
I have some advice for you.
Life is hard…
Anyone who says differently is likely trying to sell you something.
That is truth.
We danced in the rain
Our cold steel in hand
Gliding through the flesh
We danced in the rain
Pain isn’t good
But it’s not so bad either
Pain helps you learn
It helps you grow
With all pain there is a lesson
And with this lesson, you move forwards in life.
… I’m not well.
The sheer volume of thoughts and endless possibilities that have run through my head in the last 24hours has proven that to me. Each thought was more horrid than the last and they all end the same way, but which one is the most logical, that’s the conclusion my brain hasn’t come to yet.
Feeling backed in to a corner again isn’t a welcome feeling. The jackals are surrounding me, but they will soon find out a cornered fox is more dangerous than they know.
… I’m not well, I need help because normal people don’t think this way.
Innocent smiles of an unknowing child
So unaware of the world they live in
Protected from it all
Until time takes its toll
No longer the innocent smile
Only the bitter face of reality remains
We grow old and always wonder
Where did it all go wrong?
It’s been two years now…
Two years ago I started this blog as a place where I could come and leave my memories, thoughts, feelings and stories.
Over that time it has changed a lot. There has been a great deal of emotion, most of it falling on the side of melancholy, but despite that people still seem to read what I write.
There could be any number of reasons I guess. Perhaps it’s out of pity, maybe even curiosity to watch a mind and life slowly fall apart but regardless of what he reasons actually are, I want to say thank you for reading the simple ramblings of a fool.
I know I am not the most gifted writer, nor am I anything that even comes close to a diamond in the rough but at least I can say I always write from the heart, even if mine is damaged at least what I write is what I feel.
Today has been an interesting day, but the second I opened my eyes I just felt sad for no real reason. If I’m honest I still don’t know why I feel sad, but I could quite happily close my eyes and leave it at that today.
I was asked an interesting question by someone who adores me earlier – “Have you been in contact with…” – My answer was no, but I did find a subtle joy in the very real irony that shortly after the mention of her name and being asked that question I saw a man from my past who now hates me with all his soul, along with the obligatory ‘Happy Anniversary’ pop up in my blog notifications as a reminder of where I was on this day all those years ago. It seems there is such a thing as sequential coincidence.
My friend the fates are cruel. They pull the strings and move the pieces in the game that makes up our lives, but in the end I’m sure it will all make sense.
Two years huh…. That’s a long time to ignore something that is with you everyday.
There is was. A gleaming white silhouette stood again the black abyss before me.
I asked it.. “What the hell are you!”
What am I?
I am the truth of your despair
I am the inescapable price of your boastfulness
I am you.
The way he looked at me was filled with hate, malice and loathing.
I can’t hold it against him, especially after the events that happened all that time ago. While he was only given selective facts and certain information was warped and distorted to put me in the darkest frame, I still can’t blame him for the way he feels.
He was unaware that I had seen him. Probably for the best as it allowed any unpleasantries to be avoided, though I wouldn’t have stopped them. I would have just let him take out his anger and frustration in what ever way he saw fit, after all, it’s only the blood of mine that he could spill.
As I sit here and survey my surroundings I see lots of different faces today some are old, other young but all with their own unique stories.
This place… This town. It’s akin to one of the rings of Dante’s Inferno. The more people walk around it the further it descends. The longer I am here the more bitter and twisted I hear people become, their words are filled with spite and manipulation so that they can get what they want.
Being able to see people playing their games is amusing, but it’s not without it’s concerns. I can see one who seeks revenge for how he has been besmirched. He seeks to get back at her thought her close friend. We play so many games just to get even… What a sad place this is.
I doubt her fathers path and mine will cross again, but I can be assured that he will undoubtably report back what he saw and how he would have acted given different circumstances.
What a life.