My inner world used to be filled with the warm rays of the sun. Now though all there is that’s left is rain and clouds.
I was foolish to think that I was starting to pull myself together, to think I was climbing out of this ever sinking hole.
How much further can I fall in to despair?
How can I pull myself through this when everything around me is crumbling as I grip it.
How can anyone like this…
We are not who we believe ourselves to be. We are our ego and mine has been shattered, and with it my entire world.
A cruel and harsh lesson.
I wish I could explain how I feel
I can’t find the words
Is any of it even real?
It seems the weather is very reflective of my mood today.
After having a couple of days being distracted but still aware I find today i am thrust back in to the fray. When is all of this going to stop?
When I accept to either fix this myself or sit tight and prepare for the long wait that could take years of my life… No brainer really.
I have been scouting various different places to find out anything and everything that I can, but the assurance I seek can’t be given by some of the doors I have knocked on, meaning it could all be for nothing and a reoccurrence would ensue and I couldn’t handle going through al of this again.
It angers me how people have nothing useful to offer me. All I get is ‘pep’ talks that serve little purpose, this is why I have become so recluse of late. I can’t be dealing with people who are of no use, especially when all I want is answers and solutions of tangible quality. All the words in the world can’t save me, I can only find my salvation in the steel.
The light I thought I saw was not the breaking of day but a firefly lost in the forest too, at least it can rest on me while I use it’s limited glow to traverse what lies ahead, and maybe, just maybe I can find my way out of this hell.