This weekend was a welcome distraction, it helped my focus on something else for a few hours but now I am once again alone with my thoughts I’m back to square one. At least this time I’m a little more sane than in previous days.

I am in misery. Only able to pull myself out for the briefest of moments before I get sucked back in, when will it all end?

A stupid question.

It will end when I want it bad enough. When I finally reach the fork in the road and face my choice. At the moment I hesitate, I attempt, I reason with myself because i’m hoping for a different answer if I can but create the right conditions but how far I have to go to achieve this I do not know. All that is clear is that I must try.

They can’t hold out forever, I will make them see though blood and tears…I will make them understand.