My World

Around and around we go…

It all falls back on me again. Me being the one who has ‘broken’ someone. Tsk….

I wish I had such power that is attributed to me, but in reality I am just a person like everyone else who is flawed and perhaps lets things happen that they shouldn’t, perhaps that is the price for caring. Maybe that’s the Almighty’s cruel little joke, that we can make everyone we touch elated for a short time and reciprocate the feelings until the candle has burnt out and we are once again left cold and wondering what went wrong.

Where we went wrong.

The faults lay with me. I have tried to let people in but there is still that place they cannot see, there is still so much they have yet to learn about me and why I act the way I do.

I knew a long time ago the eventuality of this outcome, but I never dreamt it would be this soon though I wasn’t prepared for such extra mental strain. Holding that overhead requires my focus, everything else is secondary. My avarice demands it.

I don’t want to hurt people, I hate seeing them cry yet it’s all I make them do.

In the end being alone is the only way I can keep people from getting dragged in to my world of hurt.

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4 thoughts on “My World

  1. Cos I’m a mate I’m going to say this straight and if you don’t believe my words, ask Steve, he knows the truth of me.

    You and I are more alike than you may think. For years, 13 in fact, I wouldn’t let anyone in past my walls. I wouldn’t let anyone past them into ‘my world of hurt’. I was too scared to. I have two people now. One I let in, the other snuck past them through means that I still can’t fathom. But they are there because they want to be there. They see the worst in me and love me for it regardless.

    That last paragraph, whether you accept my words or not, is bull. The only thing being alone stops you being, is vulnerable. The only thing that being alone makes you do is see the fatalism in a connection with another person. Better to be alone and not know than to try and watch it fail and crumble around your ears, right? You couldn’t be more wrong. Always pick the road of chance. Because then you give that other person a chance to prove that they’re not like the rest. They are not going to judge you for who you are and leave you more ‘broken’ than you were before…

    Unless you give someone a chance. You will forever be alone. Not because of them. Not because of your ‘world of pain’ because for the right person that means fuck all.

    It’ll be because you’ve not given them a chance to prove you’re worth being with…

    • Wise words, while we are similar there is one vital difference between us.

      I really do just want to be left alone. I know deep down it’s not enough and it never really was. I tried, I have the chance as you say, but knowing myself I know it’s not for me.

  2. I can understand your feelings. It is the true face of life. I think we should have courage to go from things/people who are not happy with us. Moreover, we should avoid considering ourselves superhero who can fix everything. Just walk away from the shit and don’t hurt anyone including yourself.

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