It hurt to see her cry like that.
All she wants is to love me, but even after all the times I have told her what I need recently she still fails to listen.
It leaves me in a precarious position. Give in out of guilt and pity to have myself feel worse as each day goes by or stay the course and pray she finds her feet on her own… I don’t want the added stress.
To explain what is happening to my body and my mind everyday is hard and largely pointless, because unless the listener has been in this situation or lived with similar they won’t understand.
No one understands.
Doctors are paid to listen and help yet they are always reluctant, the fools. I wonder if they even know how to help an individual such as myself who isn’t sick or dying but degrading long before his time is due, I guess as the most recent one said, i will just have to sit and wait.
It would be so easy to make a physical cry for help. I’ve tried voicing the psychological issues but they have been brushed off. Maybe a physical cry is the only way to really get their attention, but to do that I would have to prepare for the hurt that it would cause as I made all those around me feel helpless to help.
I think this is the problem with people. They want to be enough to help yet can’t fathom why they fail when their help isn’t wants needed. Calling out words of agony “Why am I not enough?!” the answer to that is simple, because you’re not. You’re not enough of what I need right now, none of my family are… but that does not mean that I don’t care, I just want to be alone to get through these troubled times.
We need what we need, we need what we want but very rarely do we need anything else.