Where I go you cannot follow,
To the place so cold and filled with sorrow,
It’s home for me but not for you,
Stand up, be strong, you’ll make it through,
For where I go you cannot follow,
Walk away from the somber morrow,
Farewell my love, you’re now set free,
Go forth and live your life, there’s no hope for me,
Because where I go you cannot follow.
It was like looking in to a mirror linked to the past.
So many habits, actions and outcomes are repeating themselves, the only difference is this time I am watching it from the outside in. This time I am not the one going though it all, the sad part is I know every emotion that is being felt because I was in that place all that time ago. The feelings are the same but the situation is different for I am not playing games, I simply just want to be left alone to climb out of this hole I am in.
My admittance of this would only serve to deepen the wound.
While the situations are intrinsically different the feelings would undoubtably be the same. It’s hard to watch someone you want to protect go through the exact pain you suffered, but there is no emotion… There is no urge to run and hold her close… There is nothing. Only distance. Only damage. Only solitude.
There is only the selfish choices I have made.
Feeling so numb to everything is strange, the focus is on finding what was lost though I don’t know when I lost it.
The mental strain is just about bearable on my own, currently I am not strong enough to deal with anyone else draining me when I use every ounce to what I have left not to go insane. But I know there is no real explaining, unless you’ve been here you can’t hope to understand.
The pendulum has started to swing. It will continue to fly back and forth until it meets a halt in the middle ground, but until that point the days will go from from good to bad to worse.