I think the hardest thing about the whole situation is the undulating moods, immense paranoia and self loathing that takes place. There is no reason or logic to what triggers any one or all of these to hit but when they do you want nothing more than to crawl in to a dark hole and hide until you regain a sense of normality.
This experience so far has shown me a lot about how things work, who is priority and who can be pushed aside. The powers that be calm they want to help everyone equally but that’s never the case, they help the ones who don’t need it because they cause the most fuss while those in need sit by and patiently wait their turn, perhaps hoping they will forget and fade in to the shadows.
The mind bleeds sanity from every crack, like a tap that’s been left running it pours out in abundance and drown its surroundings. It’s no way to live.