Have you ever just stood and screamed
Just to see if anyone notices
Giving everything you have left?
No, me neither
Despite how much I’d like too.
It’s getting worse. Waking up each day is becoming more of a challenge, the thought of doing nothing and just watching the seconds drift by is ever more tempting, but there is no quick fix and just like thousands of others there are hoops to jump through before they will help.
The so called flagship of health and the wellbeing of the people is lacklustre at best, especially for those of us who need it. Perhaps it will always be this way, or perhaps I am just being cynical because I just can’t keep going around in circles anymore.
In the modern world it would seem that time is of no consequence to the NHS, they will keep you waiting because of the endless amounts of ‘worried well’ who clog up the system, not to mention all of the other pretenders too. Its been almost 2 years now my mood has slowly declined, with the last 9 months decline being more accelerated than the rest.
Over time I’ve been trying to ignore it in the hope that it would just go away and everything would return to normal, but that tactic failed. Eventually going to the local docs for answers I already knew and explained to them the situation they see this as no cause for fast action, therefore I am left to deal with everything as I have done all these months before, despite knowing what the eventual outcome will be.
After being passed from pillar to post and having to wait over a week for a single question to be answered my patience is growing thin, I am sorely tempted to take matters in to my own hands as living like this is getting too much. Dramatic as that sounds it’s getting to the stage where being left alone is all I want.
The mornings are the hardest part of the day now, after this things don’t improve very much and my general attitude and mood swings are causing a lot of friction, I just don’t care enough any more to pull and punches of preserve peoples feelings for the sake of it. This is no way to live, it’s cruel and only hurts those around me who don’t deserve any of the backlash as it’s nothing to do with them.
Knowledge is a dangerous thing, knowing too much opens your eyes to how things early work in the world and leave you with nothing but bitter taste and unimaginable disappointment at how people are treated.