A Humble Fish

Looking down in to the lake I can see the fish swimming happily without a care in the world, they are not all fully grown some are still babies cheerfully following the mother, well at least for now.

I wondered where the father was.

Across from me is a fisherman watching his line with a fierce intent, waiting for it to shudder and a fish to become snagged on the hook that had that ever alluring bait on it. The poor fish will be ripped from the water and it’s life ended, no second thought to it’s family or its problems.

Do fish have problems?

Obviously they don’t worry about tax, a mortgage or bills but surely they have problems. Predators, fisherman and perhaps illness… that’s all I can think off for the problems a fish might endure. If you look at those problems in perspective they’re much worse than the ones we face, at least our problems aren’t fatal (most of the time).

Jumping from his seat he pulls the rod hard and winds it in unbelievably fast. I sit and curiously wait to see his trophy, it seems like time has slowed down as the line is hoisted out of the water and to my surprise and his annoyance there was no fish to be seen, it had eaten the bait and played him for a fool.

Quietly laughing to myself I see the fish pop its head out of the water for a brief second before disappearing, like it was mocking him. If as a fish he could talk I would expect him to say:

“I will be caught one day, but today is not that day.”

Today the fish won and he got to return to his family.

I learnt a lesson from this brief comedy that unfolded before me; No matter the problems you have they’re not as bad as that of the humble fish and if they can survive so can I.

Alone

Alone:

Why do I align with the solitude is a question harbouring in the mind of my inner circle, the answer is simple… It’s what I want. It’s my choice.

This choice, it will be met with anger because not everyone understands why a person would want to go it alone but eventually that will subside, eventually they will understand. My moods have become erratic, so erratic that I want to be alone because I will have no need to contain, restrain or control my emotions. I will be able to let the seamless transition happen without having to worry about who will be effected apart from myself.

My default has always been to retreat away from the crowds of people. There is very little I care about and I don’t want it caught in the black hole that is my thoughts, it’s not fair to lean on people when they don’t deserve the brunt of my moods. While it is true that they would be there for me, I can’t bring myself to rely on anyone else.

History has taught me one lesson repeatedly; Being alone is not a bad thing.

Burning the bridges that ascend the clouds to the peaks of friendship and love is not my intention but it will be taken in that regard, luckily I am a good climber. I will do what I need to do to get myself through this first, then I shall begin the climb.