Shades of Light

We can only see with the right shade of light, but jus because we can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.

I can see the struggle each time I look at her. Moving close one second and recoiling the next, the fear of her head being bitten off in a rage of being pulled close lovingly must be very confusing but there is no other way for the time being. We can’t always protect that which we care about from ourselves in all our vulnerable glory.

It amuses me how much people worry about what they can’t change but ignore those things they can, such is the fallible habit of the human complex.

Trying to concentrate has been difficult today, everyone has wanted to acquire my attention one way or another when I am engrossed in my thoughts. Although I politely smile and converse I am carefully watching the seconds dwindle away on the clock, waiting for them to finish talking about such pointless topics. I guess my mood today is on what some might call a low ebb.

I was reading about the 5 stages of grief earlier, a topic I have never really looked in to in depth before.

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Each has their own set of beautiful and unique characteristics. Many of which are easily transferred in to every aspect of day to day life, when you stop and look that is. I once described my mind like the web of a spider, how each thought is another strand in the web and another possibility but they all lead to the same eventual outcome. Basically a chaotic process elimination that only I understand.

Keeping this principle in mind I have watched one person go through all 5 stages multiple times today, while the internal mechanisms of feeling will magnify certain stages at certain times, depending on the situation you can almost always pin point where a person is and use this knowledge to either quell their suffering and calm them, alternatively you could take someone to the very edge of sanity if you were so inclined.

The hour has become late, I find myself staring out of the window in to what looks like nothing but I know that what i can’t see is a garden, a garden filled with vibrant colours, wildlife and memories. It makes me wonder about how much we fail to see that is right there in front of our eyes but it’s in a shade to dark to see through without the right shade of light.

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