“I miss you.”
Uttered with tears running down her face and make up destroyed by the flood. She clutches her own arms and digs her nails in hard, drawing more blood with each second she hold on.
She will never understand. How many times have we returned to this place, how many times have I explained, how many times can we repeat this… How many times do I have to sit here and watch as she falls apart.
How many more times…
“What are you doing this to me?”
Frantically clawing her arm to shreds, her shrills can be heard throughout the building. She hovers on the edge of despair, her entire world revolved around someone else, nothing else mattered and if they were not together then there was no point in living if only to be alone.
Trying to get her to calm down is so difficult and it’s becoming even harder, even the sedatives are losing their effects now. She never listens to anyone anymore and explodes at the slightest memory. Just looking at her tearing chunks out of her skin makes me feel terrified, but the second they try to pull her arms apart she will dig in even deeper and cause herself more damage; just as before.
“Where have you gone?”
Staring in to her eyes that were once likes sapphires I can see her thoughts become entangled, tripper over one another unable to make sense of anything. I wish she would just forget.
I don’t know what option I have to calm her down, I don’t know how she can deal with this anymore. It’s been 6 years and in glorious routine today is the day we arrive back at square one once again. I thought she had really made progress after the last time, the psychiatrist seemed to have such high hopes.
Why can’t she just let it go.
“What did I do wrong?”
If only I could reach out and hold her. She did nothing wrong, she did all she could… Nothing could have stopped it.
“Why didn’t you love me anymore?”
I still love you now. If only my words could reach her perhaps her torment would subside, perhaps she would be able to accept the truth.
I’m sorry I could’n’t stay.
I’m sorry I couldn’t hold on any longer.
I’m sorry I left you alone in this world.
“Why did you leave me! WHY!”
Words screamed with glass shattering power. Finally the orderlies rush in to find Elizabeth curled in the corner, blood seeping through the restraint jacket. One hold her down while she continues to scream, the other administers as sedative.
Shortly after her struggle starts to cease she is rendered unconscious, laying next to the only thing she has left, his ashes.