My loathing for certain aspect of this world grows each day. When did I become so bitter towards it all?
I can only imagine how depressed people must become reading my blog. Looking back I can see it is filled with more anger, sorrow and hate than anything else. Maybe this is just the true essence of who I am, a nihilist.
The rampant thoughts of today were triggered by a young girl I knew from long ago, she is now almost ready to burst, cheeks rosy and eyes that sparkle like stars on the calm river. She clutches her belly gently, the sweet look of hope and happiness as she anticipates how great life will be once she is no longer alone.
Our conversation was pleasant, at least until she began to mention how she had found a ‘private’ house to rent, upon more delving it was as my initial thoughts has surmised, she was one of the many impending single parents who will now never need to work a day in her life again because she will be supported by the state. It seems the ticket to anything you want is a baby.
It sickens me.
I wish I could see these miracles of life as just that, but I can’t. All I can see is a foolish child who thinks life will be so much better because she has a baby when in reality her life is now over. Nobody seems to realise that a child isn’t a fashion accessory, a child ins’t a toy, a child isn’t a meal ticket it’s your flesh and blood, your greatest creation and you must sacrifice your life so that they can have theirs. No matter how old your child becomes you will need to accept that when their life begins to crumble around them YOU will be the one to make it all better.
A child is for life, not just for christmas.
I know several parents in this situation, they gave up everything because they ‘really wanted children’ yet they are all alone, claiming every benefit under the sun and living among the the dregs of society. I pity them.
Why have a child that you can’t support with help?
Why give up your life before you’ve even lived?
Why be so selfish?
My desire for children is a fleeting apparition at best, I know that I am not ready because I couldn’t support a family. Looking after yourself is one thing, a family however… That’s a whole new story.