More Words

She asked me;

“Where have you gone? Where are you?”

The look of distant sorrow in her eyes as I hold her close.

The sad truth though, was I didn’t know myself. Life is a chain of days, one after another until eventually there are no more to come and only the memories of what was your life.

It was at that moment I realised I didn’t know where I was going, when my journey would end or what I even wanted from the days I had remaining…

To say we lose ourselves is something that can only be understood by those already lost, because no matter what you say it’s not really true; it’s merely the words that will keep those who ask satisfied.

In subtle anguish she softly says;

“You feel so far away.”

Speaking those words so quietly I strain to hear them, as if making them real would set them in stone.

Being next to someone yet at the same time you can still be a million miles apart, yet it can be explained because the words needed escape the conscious mind, perhaps one day I will learn the means necessary to articulate that which I feel deep in my heart.

One day, I will know what words to say.

Even now, here, as you read what I have written I still hold back that which lay buried deep because no good would come of it. This sanctuary of words I’ve created to bear my all is no longer safe…

By my own choice in times long gone I reached out to show people what was within, sadly I fear that piece of my inner self that was offered has been abused, tarnished and thrown to the wolves, for now I know not who reads these words I write;

Friend
Family
Foe?

I just do not know.

Bathed alone in silence, even the wind has nothing to say, no comfort to offer, nothing.

The view before me is the same as it always was, it’s the same as it will always be. I guess the same is true of what people see when the lay their eyes upon me. They see what I want them to see, the great pretender, a true master of deception that keeps everything that matters out of the view of prying eyes.

Burned by the past and now forever on guard.

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It’s Only Words

How may words are written each day on blogs around the word?

Millions… perhaps Billions.

I saw a fellow write take up a challenge to write 400 words per day. I feel I may join him in the endeavour, after all, it’ only 400 words.

Here goes nothing…

Blood Sun:

The somber morrow breaks the veil of night. I watch as the blood sun rises in the distance, slowly, gracefully and with great purpose. I feel it’s warmth calling to me, like a distant voice on the wind, I yearn to know its secrets.

The blood sun has reached its peak, the heat it emanates is almost unbearable, yet still I cannot tear myself away from watching… waiting to learn the secrets.

The day draws to an end, the blood sun slowly descends behind the mountains in the distance and still I know none of its secrets… Perhaps I never will.

Watching:

I can see the farmers working in their fields, digging trenches and laying the seeds that will bring the next harvest. I do envy their simple lives and wonder what it must be like to have so little, to work tirelessly everyday just to survive.

I guess I will never know, my journey does not offer my the luxury or a life worth living. While they will reap their harvest, I must watch them until it is time for me to reap their souls and claim my bounty fee.

Until that time I though I can just sit and watch them play out their little lives.

Bound:

Hells Goddess Roar and Heavens Demon Sneer… Both one and the same, they keep the balance of this fragile place we call home. We are left to the mercy of their actions, good, bad or indifferent, we must seek forgiveness for the sins of our Fathers to appease the Goddess and bear the burdens of our Mothers to spare torment at the hands of the Demon… We are forever bound by the chains of Heaven and Hell.

Words:

What are words to you?

Are they your sword or your shield?

Do you use the gift you’re given to inspire good or to incite evil?

Words are all we have. They have the power to change the word, but no one will ever say what needs to be said, less they become a martyr to a lost cause of hopeless dreams. It’s always easier to say nothing and let the world assume that there is nothing to say.

Silence is the chosen word. It echoes in the halls, it fills the empty spaces, it is filled with raw emotion and forgotten dreams.

So will you use your voice or not?

Growing

I have always believed that people never really change, we simply grow in to who we are meant to be.

As we age we lose our inhibitions and drop the facade, forgoing the part we have played thus far through life because we have learnt over time that those who will be there will accept us not matter what.

This thought is both enlightening and scary.

The older I get the less I care for trivial things, but recently I have found myself becoming more are more disappointed with what I see when I look in the mirror. I lived under the veil for so long that I’m not really sure if people would accept what I hide from them.

I guess some of us are never meant to grown beyond the point of which we can’t accept ourselves.

Knowing

The more we know, the more we realise we have to learn. On one of the faces of that dice is strength, the more strength we gain the easier it becomes to see how weak we really are.

Knowledge and strength are the true fountains of youth, if we have both of these and accept that their pursuit will be a life long endeavour we will stay forever young…

Well, At least in our hearts if not physically.

Preservation 

Values are so easily given up for a little taste of what we want.

If you look around you will see it everyday, but before you choose to look, know this: once you see it, you will never be able to unsee it.

Watch the world and learn what it’s really all about…. Preservation. No matter the cost.