Dancing Mad

Once again life has gotten more complicated.

Too often this happens, we ignore what is there because we know the ramifications of following that potential course. We sit back and watch as life unfolds before our eyes, all the time thinking; could that be me?

I hear of people talking about their choices in life, or I see overly grandiose statuses on social media and think, why write what you don’t understand?

I am by no means perfect, I value honesty above all else, yet I struggle to say those crushing words to people that I know will leave them as shattered as I once was. I meet some questions with silence while I search desperately to find the words to consul and convey how I feel. I can hurt people for the right reasons, what I can’t do is watch someone be hurt because of me again, I can’t handle the guilt anymore.

These situations are of my own creation. I allow people to get close; too close sometimes. As a result they see me as a friend, over time their feelings develop and they seem me as more because the closer they get the more vulnerable I become, and so the cycle repeats- I begin to pull away.

Pulling away if the only way I have ever dealt with the potential of getting hurt once more.

Do we ever really know what we want? Is it to feel needed, wanted, respected or even loved? Or are we all just afraid of being alone…

The company of others is always a welcome thing, it makes us feel like we belong and when something upsets our world we freeze, the we try to run, eventually we face the choice to brave the storm or just let go, I have always let go. Being prepared to walk away even if we don’t want to can be considered weak, it’s not, it’s the point where we just don’t want the same cycle to keep repeating.

The young dismiss the lessons of the old because of ignorance, and the old belittle the young because of naivety, the young forget the old have been there and the old forget that once upon a time they were young too. People will repeat their mistakes because it’s all they know.

To repeat the same thing time and again expecting a different outcome is the very definition of insanity.

How long will I repeat the same mistake before I finally have the courage to do something different?