I want to escape. I want to leave and never come back. I want to end this.
It’s funny how those closest to us can hurt us the most with only the simplest of words uttered because of fatigue. It’s funny really because it shows you want people really think of you, even if they are the ones you consider close.
I doubt she realised the impact her words had, the sad part is I know they were meant the way they were said because they were said with an ever escalating tone. All my life I have seemed to understand people and all I have ever asked is for them to be open with me. I may say I am a closed person, the truth is that that couldn’t be father from the truth.
I am an open book for people to read, they just can’t understand the language written. They see my acts as somewhat childish at times, while others seem cold and callus. What people fail to understand is those simple childish acts are those of affection and come from letting my guard down, these same acts are the ones that are often rebuffed because the don’t understand. My callus nature is my form of concern, after learning from various mistakes from myself and others I fear seeing those I care about fall into the same traps.
My sincerity is rare. I struggle to be fully committed with a complement because when I say such things I truly mean them. Why have double standards with hidden meanings? Say things as they are. This is the way I have always lived, risk it all or don’t take the risk at all.
I am surrounded by more people who love me than ever perviously, but I feel more isolated and more alone than I ever have before.