Heinous

Looking out of the window I see people of all different ages going about their lives, they all have one thing in common; not one of them is smiling.

Is all I can see negativity?
Is that all I am looking for?
Did I spend so much time in a dark place that I too had become tarnished with an ill fated view of the world…

The past tried to drag me back, Foolishly I indulged. I sought revenge no matter the cost, I achieved this and it felt good, I have no regrets for my decision because it allowed me to sever the last time and as a result I no longer have to witness her in my presence.

And yet, I am still tormented by the past in the form of him.

I have never had such a divine hatred for one person, everything about him makes me angry, it pushes me to a point of contemplating an act so heinous it frightens me. It drives me crazy because it is not he who deserves such thoughts, he is not worth my time or energy and still all my hate is directed towards him, when it should be directed at her; only at her.

I struggle to break this cycle of mental torment.

Beneath my composure there is a storm of unparalleled rage and malice, even though it is not present in my domineer I can see it affecting my life. I can only begin to think how it makes her feel, knowing everything she knows.

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