All the days of this week have been leading up to this point, and after all the talking and the steps towards the edge of reason, that last one was just too much.
Tonight was by far the hardest, I gave every chance possible, asking what she would want from me if the situation was reversed, going as far as telling her that self sacrifice is the answer.
She claimed to understand, her vacant stare towards the floor proved otherwise; my heart sank.
She refused to do for me what she had done so many times before for others and take that leap of faith; risking that fall into despair for the chance to be happy and make things right.
Holding back her tears and her feelings; I wait in silence, and still nothing.
There is nothing more that can be done. I offered the way to repair my broken trust, a chance for her to lay everything on the line; silence was what I received. The person who I thought understood me and what it meant to be enough faltered and so the shooing star in the sky passed by as it does for so many.
Time to keep moving forwards and smile. Life is not meant to be easy it’s meant to be lived and risks are meant to be taken, I felt she was worth the risk of letting in, it’s a shame she didn’t feel the same.
Writing this post now means there is no going back, when people read this they will know what I wanted from her, it is heart breaking to accept the truth that she could not find this answer on her own and take that step.