Butterflies Wings

Trust is like a butterflies wings, Beautifuly strong yet fragile, Easily damaged and even easier to break. A butterfly cannot survive without its wings just as people without trust.

Some seem surprised at my ability to simply cut off those closest to me.

How can you do that?” Is the question asked by many, the answer is simple. Experience. We all have ethics, principles and beliefs yet when something conflicts with one of these it has the potential to escalate into something much worse… something that I do not wish people to see.

A deep underlying flaw in my character that stems from troubled times, times of violence.

In times past I was not above seeking out the cause of the problem and eliminating it by any means, be those verbal or physical. Anything that threatened that which I held dear would be reduced to ashes in the wake of my anger. For many years I struggled to understand and learn ways in which to calm the fires of my soul, and in time I achieved this and now it takes exceptional circumstances to break this control I have over myself, as strong as it is it’s not absolute.

When these circumstances are met I can feel myself slipping, my thoughts become fractured and incoherent, random some may say. When this begins to happen I retreat and find comfort in isolation and meditation, if my thoughts continue to revert or are still disrupted I find myself with only two options both of which will end in loss.

One is to surrender to the side I keep locked away from the world and confront the problem, the second is to remove all that is intrinsically linked with the tormenting ethical clash and walk away.

I have walked away from people who I once could not imagine life without only to see them in years to come with a perfect sense of hindsight. That is why I walk away, experience has taught me it’s the best way.

If one chooses to step into quicksand knowing what it is and the potential dangers leave them be, they will be ok for a time, slowly sinking until there is no way out, that is unless they choose differently or have the strength to pull themselves out.

We are all saddened by loss, sometimes though, it’s inevitable.

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