Protect

Who Protects the Protector?

Countless times I have helped people from the shadows, keeping my nature concealed and just helping when I am needed.

Over time I have done more than help some, I have protected them for no other reason except it’s the right thing to do.

So tell me who would protect me?

I find myself balanced on a knife edge, one side holds so much promise and the other nothing.

To fall into her arms and let her in completely, to give her a map of my very heart and soul, to give her all of me… She would have the power to cut me deeper than anyone thus far, and if I’m honest it frightens me to let go that far again.

Or do I hold my guard for a little longer risk falling in to nothing, it is no better or worse because in the end nothing is just, nothing.

To be totally exposed I would once again be alone, the choice is then hers to save me from the peril of the exile i suffer in my own soul, to be the one who protects the protector.

All I have to do is trust her.

A girl who I would risk anything for is waiting to herself let me in and take that blind jump into the abyss and either fall or fly, if she falls I will catch her.

I best not keep her waiting then.

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Overwhelmed

I find myself becoming overwhelmed with emotion lately, it hits me without warning and leaves me with a thousand thoughts, a thousand unrealised realities that are just too much.

I have let “Sophia” in so quickly, I have given away so much of myself I want to give more, I want to give her everything and yet I hold that last part back, that last part of myself. 

If you could see the world I see you would want to sleep and never wake. So much pain, so much suffering… being able to notice the smallest things and constantly watching people fall despite the help of those around them. I fear letting her see this part of me, she does not need such a tainted view of the world.

Why is it when the potential to have everything we want arrives we hesitate? Why do we feel undeserving, unworthy? 

Our pasts leave us cautious. We want to believe in the happy endings, life is no fairy tale though.

I have found that when I am not with her I want to be, to hold her, to look into her eyes, to be hers. All I have left to do is step of the edge, if my gut feeling is right it’s worth it.

“If you wait for the right time you will look back and see everything that yo missed while your waited.”